a quick one.. I'm knackered

Hey guys. I'm so f-ing tired actually. just came back from portsmouth and had a nice dinner.
my feet were frozen most of the time today since the minute i stepped out of the house... and all the walking, from train stations to stadiums to anywhere really, and standing up for the football game did not help at all! just to make things alittle more dramatic though was that the insides of the shoe seem to grow harder by the seconds and i think i've got 2 nice blisters on each of my foot now.

well, but i guess the hard work did kindda pay off since arsenal did win the game,fortuntely, in the last 10 minutes i think... and we ended the game with 1-0 to arsenal. pretty happy with that, and the atmosphere there was amazing as well! all the people screaming and shouting and swearing.. haha.. rather amusing really...

I think i'm far too tired to continue though... so i'm going off now... see ya~

think i'll stay home tmr.

Good day everyone~

Calling to Singapore~ Johnny English speaking.

hahaa.. To all those who msn msged me yesterday/this morning. I'm sorry. I kindda forgot to log off my msn. ;P

So how have I been? well, a day passed quite peacefully yesterday. And today, it's noon now, but nothing much that interesting happened yet. Had 2 'breakfasts' just now though. A bowl of flakes and some bacon and cheese and tomato and more cheese and salad.. hahaa ;P and if you are wondering.. Yap, I'm turning into a pig in this foreign land. ;P

The morning is simply beautiful though.. unlike yesterday, where it was raining and all in the morning, today was sunny and the skies and trees were oh so pretty. Went out for a short stroll, and wanted to kick myself for not bringing my camera along with me. well, anyway. probably i'll again tmr and try to not forget to bring my cam with me.. the other problem would be that it's alittle too cold for me bare fingers outside, yet not very easy to operate the cam with gloves on.

well, Think i'll update again later in the evening and share with you what ever is it that is interesting~

Schedule for the day :
3pm---------go to central london to collect football tickets to the Arsenal-Portsmouth game
3.30pm-----Visit Jerry's parent's Piano shop which is in central london
And fish and chips for dinner! the famous english fish and chips.. i have high hopes, hope it won't disappoint me.

London!

Ye ol~ folks~ this key board is a little hard to use.. coz you know why? It's an English keyboard!! which means...? I AM IN ENGLAND NOW!!!

hahaa... cool ei? it's been rather cold and the trip was much longer then expected due to little delays here and there. none the less, I still managed to survive! hahaa... (took almost 24 hrs to reach the final destination since I left home)

The place is simply beautiful. Nice trees everywhere.. I particularly like the 'bald' ones though.. haha..

Went out on a stroll and chanced upon a charity shop(aka 2nd hand shop) and bought myself a pair of boots and a skirt.. a purple checkered short skirt. hehee... quite sweet looking but I doubt I'll be wearing it very often though.. It's really amazing how cheap the things are in the shop though... amazingly cheap!! though they are all in £(of coz) but the boots were like £4.50 which is only about S$13.50. That is like freaking cheap for boots even if it's second hand I think. and the skirt was £2.25, S$6.75 kindda like This fashion.. hahaa.. ;P

got my fingers are freezing now though.. partially due to all the typing. feeling alittle numb actually. hahaa.. my face was numb when I went out for the stroll just now.. hahaa ;P

Meanwhile, I'll have to try and take nice photos of myself to put up some kind of a 'portfolio' for my modeling 'career'. the modeling agency called today actually, and wanted to have a shot on monday with me. unfortunately i'm not in Singapore. So I'll have to call them back when I get back. hope things turn out fine!

Ciao for now~

I'm suprised

by my own efficiency sometimes.. after i finished blogging this morning, i had a tonne of things I haven't done and had to get to. And now, I have almost finished everything other then some small details.

Went out to send some Christmas cards just now, and got stuck in the rain... had to get a brolly.. hope the people would like the cards, else it'd be upsetting. came back and did some more packing and chatting. hopefully i haven't missed out anything important.. ;P

Count down to England: ~2 1/2 hrs
Leaving house: 1/2 hr

oh the excitement...

So much to do

So little time.

Count down to England: 9hrs

Getting awfully soon now. I'm feeling a tit bit nervous. Just finished packing(almost) yesterday, have to do up some laundry still, there's a skirt i want to bring. And I've packed my room up as well!! threw out 2 big bags or stuff..and put up my accessories, washed my sheets, sweeped my floor.. wow.. actually I've done in these few days more things then I've done the past month or so!! kindda cool.. ;P

got more other things to do now. I better not forget to pack my toothbrush! else i'll be little miss stinky breath when i get there..

England here I come!!

count down to England: 30hrs.

woot woot~!

1st step towards Modeling~!!!

Boy am I excited!

It happened like this.. see, I mentioned that I'm thinking of doing part time modeling right? so I went on the net and searched for some modeling agencies in Singapore and found Cue Models International and sent an application over. And they called me! TWICE! (coz the 1st time i wasn't with my phone..) so it seems they are really pretty keen! and asked me to go on a interview with them.

So, today was the day of interview!! The interview went well, the place is freaking far. It's near East Coast Rd, I live on West Coast Rd... SEE the distance? Well, anyway, the interview kindda went well I think. And she quite openly told me that she sees potential in me being a model. The thing is, I'll have to go through training still coz I'm totally inexperienced. The course fee would be 500 bucks in total, they'll be subsidising 150 for me, so i'll have to pay 350 still... B thinks they are trying to rip me off.. I'm starting to think so too.. but the thing is... the girls whom he knows who gets money through modeling and do not need to pay for anything at all are either very explicit in their pics, or very explicit themselves..

Anyway, think i'll continue looking.. being inexperienced is really no good.. haiz... anyway, i'll call them again when i'm back from my holiday.

talking about my holiday... anyone willing to take care of my hamster for 2 1/2 weeks while i'm away? nothing too difficult really. just need to change it's bedding once per 4-7 days when you think it's stinky, and give it food and water when it runs out. plus, my hamster is a entertainer and a bundle of joy. she dances to music and sleep walks... so if you are willing please tag me.

PROM dress pic

waking up

Waking up in a different bed
A cigerette in my hand
Bottles of wine
Rum and rye
Rushing in my head.

All is but a dream.
A dream inside a dream.
And how I'd wish I could be
Living without dread.

Sweet dreams

Last night's sleep was simply sweet, other then that my throat and sinus were working up late giving me some problems before falling asleep. If not, the bed was nice and soft, the temperature was just right, the pillows were of the right height... actually my dreams were a little weird, but it was nice anyhow.. woke up in the morning and went back to sleep afterward. until ~12noon. hahaa... ;P

And now it's raining... feel like going back to sleep... hahaa... die... really turning into a pig.. but then i think it's because i've been so in lack of sleep for sooooo long.. that now it's catching up on me... still i'll try to fight it.. don't want to sleep too much anyway..

Boys like crazy girls.

I just figured it out. Boys simply like girls who are out of the world, strange, crazy, utter madness, and they term it 'unique'.

Well, I guess it's only human to like things that are different from all other normalities of life. It makes us feel like we are significant individuals, each being very different from every other 'sigificant individuals'. And so, it feels almost like a race. We try to out shine, or 'out dirt', other ppl around us. Dressing bizarrely to gain attention to prove to ourselves that there's something worth a second look about us as an 'unique' individual. But really. How unique is a person with a big mohawk, pink hair, big shirt and nipple piercings when every body else can be just the same? uniqueness, to me, ain't just about looking different. It ain't about what shirt you wear, what restaurant you visit, what hairstyle you have. To me, it's more about how you carry yourself with that hair, that gown, that whatever. But when that's the case, it's simply the way one carries him or herself isn't it? the rest are just accessories, accessories of life.

I've seen posers(losers), who try to be who they are not. Putting on big shirts highlighting how cool they are, when they simply can't pull it off! It's like, I'd think they were more cool if they just wore something normal/do things which belong to what they'd do, rather then to have this totally uncool image of trying too hard, and doing certain things because they feel obliged to, because they want to be different, because they want to impress other ppl. It's just not right! Instead of climbing up the ladder they are trying so hard to climb, I think they are more like taking a slide.

I'm not saying that the 'cool' ppl are the only ones that would ever be cool. I'm not saying that it's in born, if you are not cool, that's it. I'm saying, if you want to be cool/hip/truely unique, you should start from within, and not from the surface. Start by changing your mindset, not your closet. Start off by changing how YOU view things, how YOU react to things and not with the purpose of trying to impress other people with what you want to do. Sure, every one wants to impress, but when you are trying too hard/you are not sincere, ppl CAN feel it. You'll be more naked then a turkey on a Christmas table.

but of coz, there will always be some people who are just annoying being themselves. that, I'd suggest, get yourself a consultant. There probably is somehting very wrong with your mindset about the society, and your socialising skills need some urgent attention. Try asking some close friends of yours what do they think is wrong with you(I repeat, CLOSE FRIENDS). If they refuse to tell you, they are probably not your closest friends, look for others. If you have no friends at all, probably you should do some self evaluation, I believe it wouldn't be too hard to find some flaws in which you can work on.

Going back to the theory I have about guys liking girls(or may be guys?) who are mad. I think the theory stands where uniqueness is concerned. It makes a mark, leaves a lasting memory, and believe it or not, i think mad people are the most sincere of all people. they simply don't act! mebbe that's why ppl think they are mad?

it's hard to strike a balance. I know. I try to be as sincere as i can towards everyone whom paths i've crossed. I love deeply and whole heartedly when I'm with whoever I'm with. And I cherish every one of my friends, whether we met only once, or we've known each other for a life time(which currently is only 19 years, but it'll get slightly longer)(I hope).

And if I've ever loved any one too deeply, or more then I should have, I'm sorry. Coz love is all I have to give. And I hope they can feel it as sincerely as i gave it to them.

Hot conversation.

Hot hot hot...

sizzling hot..

haha..

too embarrassed to put it up here.. but really hot... hahaa.. ;P

I'm so tired.

meanwhile, I'm so tired i can't believe it. I actually slept all the way until 3++ today!!! wow. okie lah, i did wake up a few times here and there, but that must be a record! almost 12 hrs of sleep!! and I STILL FEEL TIRED! my god. i'm turning into a pig.

Prom night~ again...

okie this is the 3rd NYJC prom night I've been to. It's by far the most well mc-ed one, and also the food was the nicest I think. But the place was much smaller/the crowd was much smaller, and there wasn't many teachers who joined the prom this year. only one small table. It is quite obvious how supportive the teachers are towards our batch, isn't it?

Anyway, it cost me 80 bucks, so the food is supposed to be good. But the quantity is a little.. er hm.. I wasn't really anywhere near full when I left. oh well...

Went clubbing in dbl o bar afterwards, Piggy's 1st clubbing trip! haha.. a short one for a start. only stayed there until about 2. it's kindda weird dancing in prom dresses anyway.

I would have uploaded some pictures if the memory card isn't stuck in the card reader. so if i'm lucky enough to be able to get it out, i will put some up(not forgetting i'll need Gav to teach me how to do that as well..)

So, finally! I've officially thoroughly graduated!

nursery rhyme?

Cheeky rhino~
With a big pointy horn.
Slightly curved pointing to the skies.
Poking who ever comes by.

Cheeky rhino~
With such thick skin.
Coverd with fur of thick and thin
The neck is the only weakness, or so it seems.

Cheeky rhino~
You need a pair of specs!
Those eyes of yours can't see no speck
You are blinder then a blind ol' bat!

Love in the air~

Love is in the air~

Can't stop smiling when I think of Sat. Marche... ginger bread... HMV... sticker photo... telling me something he nv did before? or just being innocently sweet? Which ever, it made me very very happy, for 2 days now... ;P

On other news, I passed Piggy her Birthday present finally, and had myself de-fured in her house yesterday. hahaa.. it was quite a fun day of waxing and all.. haha.. FIRST TIME I WAXED MYSELF!! now got minimal hair on my arms and legs.. ;P quite shiok actually... not as painful as I expected it to be.. haha.. Masochistic me~

then went to do my hair for today and also my nails... quite very unfortunately, the salon hair dresser kindda cheated me coz she said that the hair will stay for as long as I don't wash my hair/touch water, but it is already softening and coming down!!! grr... 38 bucks.. feel cheated.. hopefully it will last.. actually it's kindda nice now, soft spirals, but I think by the time prom starts it would have gone down to a slight wave already.

me finger nails are pretty nice, unfortunately, the colours on my toes kindda got destroyed by Xmen. Quite fortunately for him though is that, 1)I don't really mind, 2)My fingers may not be done yet, 3)He paid for them to be done anyway. so, I didn't wack the crap out of him.
hahaa.. it was quite funny I thought, when the manicurist asked if I can punch my pin for payment. I asked Xmen to help me punch it naturally. And she said, 'aiya, you should pay for her mah. See, she do her hair with her own money right? Then you help her pay half half lah!' And he kindda gladly accepted! hahaa.. a new way to cheat money out of guys hm.. do manicure and don't bring any cash.. hahaaa!!!! kidding, don't preplan this kindda things normally. Unless I'm like really REALLY broke. in which case I won't be doing manicure, probably ask for a dinner date or something.

Talking about food.. I had the oily-est sweet corn I've ever had in my life yesterday! hahaa.. I told the girl to put extra oil and salt, and she really put EXTRA oil.half the cup of sweet corn was soaked in oil!! haha.. I'm not complaining though, i liked it! very nice.. hahaa.. no good for my throat though.. ;P

Watched Bridget Jones Diary yesterday. quite funny, but i thought it wasn't as nice as the previous one. it's a very lovey dovey one, I wanted more of Hugh Grant though, he is the charming and funny one. hahaa.. ;P

No good.

I made Jerry very upset yesterday. And we talked, or rather he talked and tried to get me to talk. I'm no good at situations like this.. I tend to run away when problems arise and I don't think I can handle(or perhaps I don't want to handle them).

The problem is going to persist. I know it. And it will not end unless I put an end to it. I managed to make him feel alittle better, but I guess both of us know that that's all just surface work.

Met Xmen on friday. He looked darn good in his black long sleeves and white trousers. It's really been so long since I got to see him. He seem to look better each time though.. ;P so mebbe it's good to not see him for a while. hahaa..

So many things going on now. Haiz.. tiring.

Lovely

B came back from M'sia yesterday! And we met up for dinner at IKEA. He didn't really want to go initially, but I managed to persuade him. He didn't really think much of that place, in fact, i think it would be the last place he'd want to go for dinner. But the thing is, he had nv been to IKEA for food! He kindda simply assumed that the food won't be nice since it's a furniture place. So, we went in, had Swedish Meatballs for dinner and he liked it just as much as I do! Yum, always liked those.. :P So, i guess i kindda changed his mind sbout the food there.. but the soup was weird.. hahaa.. the asperagus soup was kindda lime green in colour... it looks as if they accidently poured some chemical acid in it.. hahaa... I thought it tasted alright though.. B thinks it tastes weird. oh well, anyway, the colour is really a put off.. don't think i'll order that ever again.

We went around for a little walk, also to see if there's anything he need in his place. he totally screwed up his carpet(which, unfortunately, belongs to his landlord) so he had to find a replacement for it before she finds out.. Apparently he accidently poured orange juice on it, yes you are right, that is no big deal, normally all one has to do is wash it with some soap and water and all will be fine.. but.. nooo.... he had to use BLEACH. so now, the carpet has got this really big ugly patch of bleached spot. and he didn't even bother to ask if the laundry ppl have any way to help. anyway, the carpet was 199 bucks. I told him that he can get a cheaper one for replacement(i doubt the landlord cares actually, coz she don't live there anyway) but he should really ask if the laundry ppl can do anything about it 1st.

and so we went out and tried to get a cab. thank god i remembered that his bags were still in the lockers. else.. that IS it. I swear he is going to get so pissed and messed up... I'd wish I'm not there.. but then, I remembered, so he is appreciative and i'm happy. good ending.

He is still sick though.. quite sadly. coughing and all... hmm..I wonder why. he's been ill for almost 2 weeks now, or mebbe more then that. He tends to not feel hungry when he is ill, which is not good.. he looks like he's lost weight... oh god.. pls don't let him lose any more weight.. Man I really don't like skinny guys.

On an ego boosting note. Lots of guys seem to hitting on me lately. A secondary school friend smsed me today, and kindda expressed his interest. we started off with some friendly chatting and the normal stuff, then...

'Okie.. So you prom night, can i come? Haha'

'Haha. Want to take the chance to know girls ar? Hahaa...'

'No la.. Be your guy for the night'

hmm.. okie lah, i've had a small crush on this guy before, mebbe he did too, but then.. we kindda ended everything before anything could start. and we haven't been contacting each other for a long time! and i mean looooong time, so it came kindda like a surprise. I was flattered though. hehee.. ;P B also wanted to go to my prom. Slavey stole my prom tix for a moment, but he was just being an idiot. ;P haha.. (i'm so gonna get killed) Mad Ozzie has been asking me out quite alot lately as well! hehee... And then Jimmy kindda resumed contact with me, apparently he got himself a job near my place.hmm..

Okie, enough of all that, I'll be going for a dnd tonight and tmr night~ tmr's is the football team, hibs. and tonight's just an invitation by a friend, sounds fun, and it is said to be held at this chic place, and it has a theme as well, tropical. The problem is.. though i live in the tropics, I don't particularly think i've got any outfit that is distinctly tropical? hmm... the irony. oh well, i better go prepare now~ ciao~

Day out~

Yesterday actually.

met up with slavey, since he had nothing better to do just as I. haha.. He is one damn lucky guy loh.. get paid to do approximately nothing. get fed untill fat fat. get offs for no good reason other then that his boss is lazy to go to work. wha lao..

anyway, we wanted to ice skate, so we arranged to meet at 230 at kallang mrt. unfortunately, haha..(embarrassed laugh) i was late for half an hour. ;P so i reached at 3. I anticipated myself to be late for another 15 minutes more actually.. so i already did better then i thought i would have. anyway, i was pretty hungry(having not eaten for the whole morning till afternoon) so we walked to the 'you tiao da wang' to eat. then i got so full nearly vomited afterwards.. ;P actually i didn't eat that much, only a small bowl of the taiwan mian xian, rong song bing, and a glass of soyabeen milk. think it's coz the stomach too empty then suddenly got food, caught it by surprise.*shrugs*

then by the time i resumed composure and we headed towards the ice skating place it was already about 4. hahaa ;P

upsettingly enough, when we reached the complex,after the long and humid walk, it was closed, and apparently since september as well... damn. so we walked back to the mrt since we were both pretty tired from all the walking and stuff.. and stopped for a little chat/rest outside kallang stadium. where i kicked him after he stole my prom tix and my phone, and manage to give myself a big bruise which i'm quite sure he'll be happy to hear.

The freaking bruise is around 5cm in diameter!!! must be the biggest bruise i've had till now!

and then we headed back to the mrt and went home. hahaa.. quite a senseless day. ;P

I'm going to learn salsa from my friend! it's official! and he kindda volunteered! which was grrrreeeaat! so i'll be going to this salsa club to learn from him. every friday is free apparently. so i'm reconsidering if i should get a membership.

i'm so excited!! ^_^

Okie... I just managed to get myself really upset again.. F**k the f**king b*s***d. Life's too short to be upset over the same person over and over again and again.. if he don't give a damn, y should I?

hi-ho

if any one is interested. I'm dying. not physically, mentally. been rotting away. went to a salsa club the night before though.. that was slightly more mentally challenging which was nice. there wasn't many ppl on the dance floor so i was free to bum abround and not be where i should be. haha.. did manage to make one of my dance partners to bleed though.. that was an unfortunate accident.well, can't blame me ya? It was the 1st time i danced salsa. ;P

the funny thing was, I went with a guy who was my secondary school's teacher's son. haha.. so i thought it was quite funny when his dad asked him who is he out with and he said his ex student. hmm.. It seems that if i get membership for that place, entrance fee is free from mon-thur and i'll only have to pay 8 bucks per month.(the entrance fee is normally 6 buck per head) so i figuered.. i only have to go like twice per month to get my money's worth. and i can learn and have fun at the same time! ^_^ (perhaps i'll have to pay medical fees for other ppl if i go too often though... hmm... mebbe i should rethink the idea.) ;P

nonsensical entry.

I'm in love with someone I shouldn't
Some one who shouldn't love me is in love.
The one whom I love does not love me.
The one who loves me I love not.

The world keeps on turning
My head keeps on spinning.
Perhaps I should stop loving whom I shouldn't
And love who loves me most.

But love is such a strange language.
One can't communicate without
Yet the language is so sacred
And hard to pass around.

You kiss very well.

And I said,
'I love to kiss,For I kiss for Love.'
That's why I can kiss well.

Once love is given out.
It cannot be taken back.
And so I know I'll love you all my life.
Even if I say good bye.

Even if....
probably I SHOULD be saying good bye.

Make up entry for my First Thanksgiving dinner!

Hihi. Yaya.. I know.. Thanks giving is a holiday celebrated by Americans only. But I had the chance to have a taste of a Thanks giving dinner held buffet style in Regent Hotel on the day itself! It was pretty good, ofcoz I went with an American friend(how else would I ever get the idea of celebrating Thanksgiving?) and he told me about all the different things he would eat back home on Thanks giving. He said that Thanks giving actually is the occasion where the Americans eat the most as compared to any other festival of the year! And he said back home he'd have like loads of food. And Americans seriously eat alot...

To check out the origins of Thanks giving see here
http://www.thanksgiving.org/2us.html

So the dinner was nice. All sorts of meat, yam in sugar(sweet potato), bbq steak(which was unusual for buffet), mash potatoe with cream cheese, salmon spinach pie, salad, turkey(which i didn't try coz he say it wasn't nice. and was a little dry. funny no gravy though)pumpkin pie, pecan pie and lots of fresh raspberries! yum! I had chocolate moose and creme bulee as well! yummy yummy!! hahaa...

He also tried to order Egg Nog, which they didn't serve without alcohol, so he decided not to get that eventually. Sounds weird huh. I thought so too, had no idea what it is until I went grocery shopping with him where he bought for himself 2 packets of it and I got the chance to try it afterwards. Apparently it is just milk with eggs and suger... something like that.. but the packet ones are just egg nog flavoured milk. The taste is quite interesting.. actually it taste alittle like baileys... just that it doesn't contain alcohol. So I do kindda like it since I like baileys.

So if anyone want to have a try on thanks giving food. Egg nog could be a start! haha.. It tastes good anyway as a drink itself. ;P

Going for breakfast now~ ciao~

Saturday morning syndrome

Yap, it's another Saturday morning.. I'll be tasting the Saturday mornings in London in about 2 weeks time now. Looking forward, yet a little reluctant.

Anyway, today is a typical Saturday morning in Singapore where I'll be up in the morning, whilst everyone else will be up around noon probably to have 'breakfast'. Everyone is either sleeping or went out? I doubt the latter. And there'd absolutely NOBODY else online except me.(atleast on msn it seems that way.)

Oh well, I like mornings.. I find them very refreshing. So I tend to wake up pretty much early as compared to the rest of the Singaporean population. Actually, it's also partially because I find it hard to fall back to sleep in the morning especially when I can feel sunlight coming through the window, even if it's the slightest.

-The language we must all learn-

Mornings that come with fresh smelling flowers
Birds that flock their feathers
Listening to the crows of the black birds
Suddenly seems much better
A slight mist in front of the window
As the rays of the Sun fell through
I feel the warmth that life brought for me
And the cool of the passing breezes
The skies of blue and white ripples
The green from near to far
I closed my eyes and listen in silence
The importance of all languages.

Exams are OVER~!

took me awhile to realise that... haha..sinking in slowly..

kindda wasn't as 'over' as i thought it would feel. come to think of it.. I'm not sure what i'll do next year.. i was kindda 'recommanded' a job by a taxi driver the other day. it's $88 a day, minimum work for 2 5-day-weeks, from 7am-7pm as some kind of a photocopying factory operator. sounds good to me.. haha.. but i can only start work next year.. and he also asked me to try and ask my friends if they'd want the job as the place is really in need for helpers. So, if anyone is interested in the above deal, just give me a tag ya~ (have to go through an interview apparently.. oh ya, BTW, the place is near jurong)

I bought some CDs some days back. 7 cds all together..... !!!??? no lah, i'm not so rich... haha.. actually i only bought 2 cds the rest were all FREE! haha.. the person who was selling the CDs kept on pushing freebies at my face while trying to pursuade me to buy the 2 CDs. haha.. the scene was really quite funny. and he had to take out this rather big bag to contain all 7 pieces of cd when i am only paying for 2. haha.. ;P my mom reckon he was dazzled by my beauty.. hahaa... I think.. he is just damn bored at the store. hahaa.. ;P

It was quite a good week this week. B is very sick though, so i'm often out nursing him. I think he is kindda getting better.. somehow i don't think the medi that the doctors gave him did him much ,if any, good. I've been trying to give him some chinese medi i have at home.. but kept forgetting.. oh well. he seems to get sick quite easily, and recover reeeeeaaally slowly so i reckon i'd get my chance to give him the medi the next time he falls sick.. hahaa... ;P

Spent some nights in my friend's house, which was nice... it's always fun to have friends around all the time.. someone to just lie around or talk to whenever you want to. perhaps it is true that i do feel lonely sometimes.. most of my family is always not at home anyway... oh well...

Shit man...

I just realised that there is a probability(unfortunately quite a big one) that i'll fail my math 9233. I suffered severe mental blockage on both the papers 1 and 2. and i recall calculating my marks on paper 2 to only add up to 50+, and that is all the marks i'll get if i get all the questions i did correctly.. that sucks.. (I still think it's due to the 'unlucky' skirt i wore on both the papers.. both my physics and Fmath paper 1 came out not too bad when i changed skirt) darn. i think i should burn the skirt..)

anyway.. I've still got 3 more papers to go.. 2 big ones that are on the same day(screwed), and a difficult-to-score one the next day... hopefully i'll pull through... I'm already making plans for like if i fail math 9233 i'll have to try to do well on the other papers so that i can re-take only math9233 if i have to..(which has high probability that i WILL have to) haiz.. wonder what it'd be like if i get back my results and it says GP C5 Fm B Phy C Math 9233 F.. hmm.. not that i've got much to be proud of in my other papers.. but i think it'd b interesting to have my Math 9233 score worst then my Fmath one.. haha..

Meanwhile.. i'm thinking of doing part time modelling(if i can) and go find a job(probably i won't mind being a free labour) in the theater business.. like mebbe wild rice! or something... I'm seriously thinking of persuing an acting career for the good of my mental well being..

I better go back to studies.. oh ya.. breakfast 1st.... btw.. I'm ill... slight fever, blocked nose and cough with lots of green hard gu-ee flam.. they always fasinate me.. haha.. ;P

OH YES! IT WAS OLIVIA'S BD YESTERDAY!! hehee.. purposely didn't wish her happy birthday planning a little surprise for her in the middle of the exams..~ ;P

Exams sucks..

dieded. better go study..

Entry from Malaysia~

Yello folks~!

Yap, I'm in Malaysia now. Just came dowon from Genting Highlands and currently using the com in the little LAN room of Ocean View Resort, Port Dickson. The whole LAN room only has 2 computers actually... hahaa.. oh well~ the connection is fast, so what the hell. Kindda like the fact that I'm pretty much alone anyway. (the room behind this one is a video games room though.. lots of kids inside there playing soccer or something..) The genius of this LAN is such that they actually put the security people incharge of the rentals and stuff. And so, it can be 24 hrs! Smart ei? Even I wouldn't have thought of that. >_<"

We set of to M'sia on Sat morning, reached the customs at around 0530 I think.. It's pretty early, but one really must not underestimate the 'earliness' the people who wants to go to M'sia can get(just as for Hello Kitties and many other freebies). "bie2 lun4 jing1 xing2 zao3, geng4 you3 zao3 xing2 ren2" There definitely was a queue, not a very long one(we were still not that late), but long enough to let us queue for about 30mins. My Dad predicts a long queue when we go back tmr, so we are going to go back in the 'niao3 bu4 sheng1 dan4 de shi2 jian1' like 5 in the morning tmr...

Coz my brother went to Cameroon(is this the way it's spelt?) on Thurs before us, so we decided to pick him up in KL before continuing the trip up to genting since it's along the way, and my bro will be going there as part of his package tour(i think he likes one of the girls, who is his classmate, who went on the trip. But that's another story...). So I manage to get to Times Square again! but not much time to play and all this time round. me and my Mom went to the salon and had our hair washed and blown. and the stylist made my hair into this BIG permed look. haha.. quite nice lah.. but abit the... er.... BIG... haha... look kindda old also... ;P

anyway, after that we went for lunch at the 'gu3 tou2 guan3'(bone restaurant?) just in the street behind times square. It was quite an amazing coincidence actually.. coz me and my mom watched a tv eating programme.. then they had a small part that talked about this place. And when my dad drove past Pudu while looking for the carpark entrance to Times Square(This was before we got into TS), I found the street name very very familiar..and then i remembered that show and that restaurant! but the thing is.. we have no idea where the restaurant is. And my dad didn't exactly look like he is goin to go on search for it. But. While we were driving around, we saw the restaurant! and that was how we decided to go there for lunch afterwards!

THE food there is pretty nice, and quite unique. some good dishes include, zhao jia gu chui(bone marrow, sucked out using a straw, Kindda like Tulang, only it's Chinese styled), ya qian gu(taken from the hind legs of the pigs, the texture if the meat is good and the marination is nice too. It has a nice bit of saltiness when it 1st enters the mouth, and when mixed with the rest of the meat and some rice, the taste just blends into perfection. If you wanna go try it, you'll have to make a reservation 1st though), shan hu dou fu(tou fu with minced meat sauce on it, served with brocolli and half steamed egg whites laying the plate. The minced meat sauce is nothing much special, the tou fu is only slightly above average, but the egg whites are very nice. It's actually steamed in such a way that it is soft, it's almost like tou fu, but cooked.. haha.. and matched very well with the rest of the components of the dish, thus making the dish worth a try i think), another dish i'd recommand would be the fried eel( it's usually not served with any special sauces i think. but when matched it with the salty powder of another dish it tasted great though.. unfortunately i forgot to ask what powder that is, and i can't remember that dish did it come with as well. anyway. i like eel. so.. oh well)

After we met up with my bro we went up to Genting and spent some time sleeping there before commencing other activities.

Went for dinner and then it was free time for all. nothing much happened,so nothing much to say. But i went clubbing later that night. which was fun. didn't really drink.. though i was offered a tonne of drinks.. but i guess i'd better be safe then sorry. afterall, it's the 1st time i went clubbing alone.

Everything ended by about 230, I got to know some ppl there. one of which is a Singaporean, another tried to stalk me after everything.. but of coz i managed to escape. Hopefully i won't get to see them again.. it's kindda scary.

So, we came down to KL and wanted to visit the petronas towers today, unfortunately it's not open today. so we went for a short shop about the petronas mall instead. didn't buy much, but i bought a gift for B.. hehee.. hope it fits though..

and then here I am! I better stop now. coz my time is almost up. only 2 coms is no good. there are kids waiting to use the com to play gun bound i think... I better sleep~ have to wake up early tmr~ hope everyone is having a good night~

Parting

Tonight we part,
Tonight we part.

But we will meet again.

And I wait
I anticipate

For the two weeks ahead.

When will we part again?

I should be glad when parting comes.
For it meant we met again.

But why do people always frown
As they hold love's parting hand?

If love is there, there it will be
And there's no need to feel thus sad.

And so I smile when I leave the ground
For I know that's what's needed.

And you can remember how sweet I look
Until the next parting started...

stupid tag board

kaoz.. duno y i cannot tag on my tag board. grr... tried yesterday night and now. still cannot.. anyway, what i wanted to say was,

hihi~my com seemed abit mad yesterday night, couldn't tag at all.. anyway...beer batter fish and chips sounds damn good! count me in!! ;P

so there~ the alternative for the stupid tag board.
;P

I wrote a new song the other day.. but it's in chinese, and i don't think blogger can show chinese coz i tried last time and it was a wasted effort. so i shall not try again. anyway, the lyrics are abit mushy.. ;P so i'll shy... :''>

anyway, i'm going out for lunch soon~ better bring some notes along to read.. ;P hope every one out there is having a great warm lovely morning~!

Little holiday between the exams.

haha.. okie i did it again. i went clubbing last night.. couldn't resist it. haven't had the chance to dance and drink for quite some time. ;P
come to think of it i drank quite a lot last night. 1st was Sake during dinner in a jap restaurant at MS, but that was sample drinking, had the chance to have a taste of Kouro(kindda sweeter and more aromatic in taste), and 2 other kinds which i can only remember one starts with a H and the other T.... ;P guess it was a waste of money to bring me for wine tasting. haha.. but i do remember the H one tasted much lighter then the others(nonetheless still very aromatic), and the T one is like more common, normal Sake somehow. And then after that we had a sample of Awamori on the rocks, and then we ordered an Awamori cocktail. afterwhich we ordered a glass of I-can't-remember-what-it-was but it was kindda like whisky other then that it's clear in colour, tasted rather interesting though.. like nothing i've drank b4.

If anyone is wondering what Awamori is, it's a kind of liqueur domestically made from Osaka?(I'm really no good at names) *edited: It's Okinawa, i just remembered.. all the O___ making me confused. anyway, the restaurant has kindda an Okinawa style jap cuisine theme anyway. I think the boss is from Okinawa*
and it's a little like vodka and sake mix? it's kindda interesting. quite nice i think.

And all that was even b4 we went to the club!

After dinner we went to dbl o, and due to that it was ladies night and that it was deepavali eve, the place was open until 4 and had one-for-one drinks~ cool. I had 2 glasses of Irish White Guy, and a big glass of Vodka Coke. I wonder if Irish White Guy is considered Baileys or not.. but I like that kindda drink. has that malty creamy taste. Slurp~

But it's kindda weird, coz after like all that drinking(and dancing), I didn't feel drunk at all!! how is that? I wonder if it's because the alcohol content in low, or did my ability to take liquor rise? hm.. well, anyway, don't really think i'd want to get drunk anyway.

But if you thnk that's the 'holiday' i was talking about. you are so wrong. haha.. i still can't believe it, but my dad actually organized a trip to genting highland for the long weekend. and you know what? i'm coming back on mon. and paper on tue. haha.. i must have been mad to actually agree to go. But ofcoz, my parents don't get long weekends and holidays very often, so i guess i should go anyway. Perhaps i'll just bring some studying there as well..(well, but there's always a difference between bringing the study and studying itself unfortunately)

Oh ya! and at the jap restaurant! we had dessert after the meal. and i ordered the sesame pudding, THAT WAS LIKE SOOOO GREAT i think.. haha.. coz i really like all the sesame desserts really, from paste to ice-cream, it's the 1st time i heard of sesame pudding though. and it was great. I love pudding, and i like sesame desserts, so that was like a perfect combination, and the presentation and everything was great too! So, it's a definite must try if you ever go to the restaurant. It's beside cafe cartel in MS, Oen, I think.. the food there is pretty good as well, so i think it's worth going. a little bit expensive though. ;P but i like jap food. hehe..

Man i hate myself.

I feel so stupid, and the worst part is i can't help it. While i was angry, i was already anticipating myself to forgive him?! Darn. I don't understand myself. How the hell did i get myself to like someone so much that I can't even leave him when he is stupid and fucked up.

I spent the day sleeping and making things for him. minimal studying.. i think i only did like 3 questions on math or something.. and then half way through it, i was thinking like... what the fark am i doing man. why am i still making farking stuff for him?! but i still continued anyhow.. haiz.. I feel so useless..

And i'd anticipate for him to msg/call to explain or something.. anything really.. and i actually came online 3 times today. 3 FREAKING TIMES. y? coz he is online. man i suck. I can't even properly get angry with someone....

all apologies intended. i need an outlet.

FARK! I feel like screaming into his god damn ears and punching him in the face. A good tight punch! I'm not very rational now. I know. Coz I can feel how angry I am and things are just coming out, I'm not even sure I really did think through what I said b4 I said them.

I can no longer listen to my heart.

I finally woke up. And the truth is, I'm in all this shit because i listen to my heart too much. I feel too much. And i put in too much.

What I've been told is probably right. I should try and learn them, and learn them well. 2 hearts should never overlap, no one in their right mind would actually think of you before himself. humans are selfish animals who would lie to get what ever he wants. there's no way one would see you as a part of their life. probably subconsciously me too. there's no such thing as true love. there's no way love can work in both ways and in equal quantity. how does one quantize love in the 1st place? anyway. one should nv pour his/her heart out to anyone. it's not safe. it makes one vulnerable to hurt. true feelings should be kept whether it's good or bad.

The truth unravels

Unfortunately mostly by me.

Am I too smart at this kindda things for my own good? probably. The more I try to not jump into conclusions, wait and see, hang on for awhile longer, the more i find that truth hurts.

Even until the last second I'd still hope and wish that he'll tell my truthfully what had been going on and what will be. but my efforts would more often then not proof to go down the drain.

Being told the truth is different from telling it. There's a difference between whether I already know what's going on and hearing it from you. It makes me feel atleast a little better and trust you more when you tell me the truth. It is true that I will feel upset, but atleast I know what you are thinking, and I might still like you. But to lie, means you don't think what you are doing is right in the 1st place, then why are you doing it? It is even more cowardly to hide. To lie is to risk having me know. If you think it's worth you risking me know, that speaks alot about what you feel towards our relationship. And you should know that to let me find out by myself is going to be more painful then to have you told me.

I gave you chances, one after another. Asking you very direct and detailed questions. But you failed miserably. If you lied so as to not hurt me, you did a terrible job. If you really cared for my happiness, you wouldn't have done all this. And if you did you'd have felt guilty. If you really cared about my happiness, you'd be telling me that you won't be doing all this shit anymore, and not looking for explainations and excuses. Or, you'd have agreed to leaving me alone if you think you won't be able to comprehend the change. I tried understanding and accepting your lifestyle, and to say the truth, it's beyond my comprehension. Perhapz it's time somebody else did something instead of me...

I'm tired.

And i think i'm falling ill..

insulted

Omittance of vital truths/any truth deliberately=Lying
Purposefully misinterpreting and selectively answering=Lying
Not wanting to cause upset=Lying
Lying=Lying

Had a long day yesterday, atleast it seemed that way to me. I ask very direct questions sometimes, when i feel that there's no room for me to shy anymore.

'would you lie to me if you knew what you are going to do is going to upset me?' was my question.

'I have been honest with you so far even though you threatened to break up with me.' was the answer

following it was a msg which he sent to the wrong person.
'just got baileys as my duty free allowance with our monday date in mind. :)'

well, now i've got to be really stupid to actually try to believe his explaination isn't it?
'yes. sorry sent to wrong person. my best friend and his gf will be in town monday and tuesday.'

weeeell, i don't exactly think i'll sent that to my best friend OR his gf, and when the person who sent it is a guy? like, guys, would you send your best friend(guy) '...with our monday date in mind. :)' if it's for the girl, doesn't it sound a little too... too... much?

Kaoz.. i think i've lied too much in my life, that i cannot tolerate unskillful lying. i mean it's like, you don't even put heart into LYING to me!! i feel insulted...

'will not be able to see you tonight though..........have to run errands, sleep, and host this birthday party for this friend of someone i used to date.'
oh pa-leeees. who on earth would agree to host a birthday party 'for this FRIEND of SOMEONE I USED TO DATE'? and further more, the party starts at 730?! as anyone who has hosted a birthday party before should know, is it even possible to start a party that late, with the organizer not even there yet? NO!

I returned him his keys, and finally had the chance to see how isa looked like. not as pretty as i thought, i thought. but a very fake accent somehow. perhaps that's the kind of girl who is hip and going, and the kind that will suit him more i suppose. I wonder what happened yesterday night at his place after all the sms and stuff.. well, i'll just wait for isa's update!

gone.

what should go should go
what's the use of holding on.

only when one opens up his hand
then can he feel the world around him.

off the lights my dear,
off the lights.
It hurts my eyes.

I'll wait till the time is right
to put the wet pillows out of sight.

and i'll sweep up the broken pieces on the floor
the broken pieces of flesh and gore..

Interesting news(for me).

yap, it's another one of those things which i have no idea how to react to. amused. not really positively.. not sure if it's negatively... just confused i guess.. but i know this is one of the things which i shouldn't be thinking about, coz the effects are often slow reacting.. so i'll probably only start feeling really upset later on...i mean like.. really really upset...

actually.. i think it's settling in.. I'm starting to feel the sadness already... okie.. official heart break. arrgg... i've got to get a grip of myself.. still have a whole 3 weeks of exams... don't think i'll be able to take it.. god.. i'm dying..

I'm a lucky star!

ya, to share something interesting.

While I was taking a cab home from Havelock, the cab driver realises that he won 4D, 1st prize. hahaa.. and he said that i brought him luck, so he gave me a free ride! haha.. cool huh!

my future?

just had dinner with O. or rather just watched O have dinner. we had a little chat about his trips to philippines and vietnam, and a slightly bigger one about what i'll be doing, or rather, what i want to be later on in my life.

It's quite interesting. My ambition is really to be an Actress cum Singer, the only problem is.. I'm not good at either. And so, now i'm really just studying for the sake of studying.. there's almost nothing else i'd like to do. Ya, ofcoz i'll try to do well in my studies.. it's kindda like a personal challenge anyway(i cannot handle losing to other ppl) but i really don't see much of a point somehow. may be i should review my ambition.. change it into something else or someting.. probably i'll feel unsatisfied for the rest of my life.. but atleast i won't end up a begger.

My hamster bit me!

yesterday while i was changing her drinking bottle, she took a big bite off my pinkie. sobz.. had i been really that bad to her? probably.. ;P but that period of time were she was down on food and bedding, my wallet was almost empty as well! and there isn't any pet store near my place, so it's not really my fault right?! wha... boo hoo.. she hates me.. ;(

Well, it's another boring entry. haha..

okie alittle update on my life now. B had gone to the philippines yesterday, J is still here. I made everything clear with O who came back from the philippines yesterday. and X will be back on sat morning, 5? wow.. he asked if i can go pick him up at the airport and accompany him until the 1st train.. but the thing is.. how am i supposed to get there if the 1st train is not there yet?! seems like everyone around me is just moving around.. like it's some kind of global movement.

I'm glad I made it clear to O though. It really kindda made my day. hmm... if anyone is wondering. I do not support multiple dating. but to like certain ppl is not really avoidable. so i try not to date them if that's the very least i can do.

Wanted to make a little toy decorative thing, but for so many days i couldn't find my boxes of plasticine! where have you all gone? :(
i bet my mom threw it away or kept it at a dark corner where i'll never be able to find until i buy myself new ones. Got the urge to make it so much. perhaps i will go down to the stores to buy new plasticine.. but to buy 3 big boxes again? haiz.. really feel like i'm wasting money and wasting my time.. in which both i'm lacking of currently.

oh ya, i did my GP paper yesterday.
'Have multi-national businesses had positive or negative impact on your society?'
haha.. don't know why i chose it also.. think i'm just stupid.

went to watch princess diary after the paper with liva though.. quite funny. very fairy tale.. but.. haiz.. made me think of unhappy and mind boggling things.. but then after that we went for dinner at cafe cartel. actually, it's I went for dinner, she only had coffee and some of my fries coz her mom had dinner at home. I had a whole rack of pork ribs! cool huh. and soup and bread and what not as well! it cost 19 bucks though.. but i think it's worth it.. hehee..yum yum.. should get my parents to go as well.. they have free flow home made bread.. hahaa.. think next time i'll just go there and order soup.. ;P

Where are you?

In someone elses life I'd thought it'd be someone elses line.
The cold shiver down my spine.

I read that line.
Over and over. over and yet again.

But still i see it. and still i don't feel right.
It's coming back again.. I can feel it. and I can no longer hide. I can no longer hide this feeling inside.
This pain, this agony. This forged innocence that is only making me lie.
How I wished I'm less clever than I am. How I wished I cared less. Now I'd wish I could just die.

I read that line.

And I can feel me sinking into the ground. My heart shattered. My tears dried out.
I need you tell me it's not true. I need your word to make things better.
But your lips are locked like the doors in an urgent fire.

Over and over. over and yet again.

I fell to the ground. Laying there motionless.
Where are you?

Interesting blog

had the chance to read the blog of a girl i have reason to believe is around my age. It caught my eye whith it's slogan 'SIZE DOES MATTER, I'VE NEVER SEEN A 2.4INCH DILDO' and as i read her entries, I soon figured that they were rather explicit. talking about her sexual experiences and 'wild' life. (I bet some guys are dying to know what is the address to her blog now)

She is indeed an excellent writter, and very proficient in the english language(atleast very much more proficient then i am). I soon find myself looking through alot of her entries, not that i wanted to read the 'interesting' entries, atleast not just that, but also due to her language and way of presenting herself and also some arguments she have on monogamy, life and sex~

It was kindda scary at some instances when I find her arguments convincing to a large extent, she had her mind set straight to self destruction i thought. It was as if she was trying to convince somebody that what she's doing is not wrong, and somehow that person, i felt, probably was herself. I could feel the struggle in her while i read the blogs, I could feel that she does posses intrinsic values but which she's trying to fight, and what i felt was that she's trying,too hard, to be liberal. It's sad. Perhaps it's not for me to judge, but it really did seem as if she had cheapened herself so as to conform to the 'liberal' world she thinks she lives in.

Which reminded me of a phrase i heard some time back about western woman. It'll make them feel more guilty eating a bar of mars.

Perhaps it is true, why shouldn't woman be given the same type of pleasure man get, essentially we are all humans,or rather animals, and do enjoy the pleasures in life. But still, the difference between humans and animals are that we have a moral code. And i personally cannot allow myself to do things against my morals. Basically, I think IT IS unfair that man are generally allowed to screw around, but woman aren't. But i don't think the way to make it fair is for woman screw around as well... I think it would only serve to downgrade the human life form.

To make life worth living, i do think it is essential that there is something special in it. Else, everything would be the same, and what's the point of living then? when we are just animals/robots that do everything else everyone else does. To live totally via instinct. To follow suit, and be just another living particle in the galaxy of life. I'd like to think i'm special, different, and not just another girl.

Just a quick entry

Went out for supper the night before yesterday and sneaked out to play. well, it was halloween afterall. (Gav, sorry i didn't go for the school party, the rain really dampened the spirit, and causing you to have one less familiar face to be with. hope you brighten up!)

We went about MS(mohd sultan) and had supper, and saw some very interesting people who dressed up. quite cool, there were draculars(of coz), devils(as usual) and a bunny girl(very interesting). oh oh, not forgetting the caucasian woman who was dressed up as a spider witch or something.. she had a witch's hat on and spiders hanging down everywhere and on her face! quite cool.. And i managed to meet a friend there while i was eating as well! which was quite unexpected. actually i can't really remember where he is from and all, but i do know that i know him coz i can recognise him alright.(probably from pri or sec sch..) and he asked me if i can borrow/lend(i still can't get this right) him my bag so that he can smuggle some food into the clubs. the friend i was with was so shocked when i simply took out my stuff and gave him my bag. well, i reognise him, i know i knew him b4, and he looked friendly enough, so i believe he is not going to rob me of my bag. in any case, i already took out what ever there is to take out that is expensive. so, why not? he did return the bag to me shortly afterall, to prove that i did not make a wrong move.

And then we just loitered around and made merry, going through clubs and pubs looking at all the ppl who are dressed up from some olden english queen to dead priests. some of the costumes are really elaborate, and looks incredibly expensive.

the next day we went for brunch at the hyatt hotel, it was recommanded by a friend of his, but it wasn't that great, and pretty expensive, so he was kindda unsatisfied and said that he won't trust her recommandations anymore. quite childish i thought. anyway, after that we went shopping, and i bought a skirt, and 2 tops while he got himself a pair of khaki pants. quite nice actually, though i didn't think it was that great before he tried it on. and then he thought i should get new shoes so we went shoe shopping, but i'm quite particular with my shoes.. so couldn't find any that i like. anyway, he had work that he had to do, but we were suppose to watch a movie in the evening, so i went to his and read a book of his ---- how to deal with people you cannot stand, while he worked.

quite an interesting book, kindda like psychology book actually, teaches ppl how to interpret and react towards certain actions or reactions of ppl. and i did pretty well at it, reading almost 1/4 of it while he was working.. the book is about 250 pages thick.

and then about 6, he finally finished his work, but a crisis also found it's way, coz he had to send it to his client and boss via email, but he doesn't have an internet connection(been hitch hiking on his fellow neighbour's wireless all the while) and hitch hiking is really unstable, the signal is always fluctuating, and the connection kept going off.he thought the macdonalds at great world,which is where we were suppose to watch the movie, had wireless internet for it's customers, so we went there. only to find that he thought wrongly.. they had 2 computers connected to the internet there, but not wireless internet for laptops and such, so he had to go back to the office, but the movie was starting soon, so we split, and i had to go into the movies alone.where i got myself an aunt anne's sour cream and onion, followed by cup corn coz i was pretty hungry by then.

he on the otherhand was going through hell i think. haha.. he went to the office to find that the office is locked and he had lost his key. so he couldn't get in. there's wireless connection in the office, so he tried logging on, it worked, but he couldn't use the net for some weird reason neither of us could understand, so he had to find other ways of getting a connection. He smsed me for help, and i could only think of LAN shops. and then he ha a ingenius idea. he went to a nearby condominium, sat by it's pool, and hitch hiked on the wireless connection of the residents there... and it worked! he is unbelievable...

after which he came back to great world and joined me for the movie. oh ya, by the way the movie was 'shark's tale' very cute, but i kindda don't like the way they kindda fix a human's face on the fish's body, ya, very expressionful,but they don't look like fishes anymore... so i like the little prawns the most.. they are cute, prawnlike, and they super adorable voices... hahaha.. the story was alright, very cartoon, fantasy style where everything ended with a cherry on top.

anyway, afte the movie, we went for dinner at the crystal jade. we had xiao long bao, and some other dishes..i think the xiao long bao was the nicest.hehe.. anyway, after that i saw a pet shop and finally got myself to remember to buy my hamster her bedding and food. ;P i'm such a bad owner.. well, atleast she's still alive, it's already above expectation... ;P

and then soon after we went home. quite a nice way to spend the day i think. and i feel good. ;> gonna sleep now, and study later.. x_x"

seems like it's not such a short entry afterall~

Thoughts on multiple dating.

I had some interesting conversation with B and J lately,(hmm if i ever have conversations with the two of them again mebbe i'll shorted it into BJ. hahaa... just a naughty thought.) we talked about our views on dating with multiple ppl all at the same time.

well, Mr. B apparently supports the idea of dating several persons at once, he supports his belief as he thinks he's still too young to be thinking of having a stable long term relationship(which i find is pretty saddening), and that it's the stage in his life where he thinks one should have fun, and go out with whoever makes him happy. while J pretty much find it hard to date 2 persons or more at once, he left most of the talking to me, so i don't really know the reason to why he feels that way, but he thinks it's kindda a traditional thing to him.

well, i personally think it's not wrong to date more then one person at once, but i do find that it really defeats the purpose of dating itself! I think to date is to be happy, yes, it's to have fun and make merry, but i think it won't really make one as happy having several relationships where one moderately likes everyone of them than having one relationship where he/she truely likes the person.

I think to multiple date makes one cherish the people he is dating less, and reduces the want to see the person again. this is due to that there'll always be this feeling at the back of the head that i've got other back ups anyway, and i can spend my time with some body else, holding back the emotions of the person. it thus defeats the purpose of dating itself because it would only serve to make one enjoy the freedom and the love and who would want to have any form of commitment after that? it's like after you've had the best of both worlds why would one ever want to lose one benefit just to enhance the other? most ppl(sadly i'd say the vast majority) would find it more satisfying to have the freedom AND the sense of interest in having different ppl to date with most of the time.

further more, to date different ppl/more then one just shows that you don't really like the person that much. if that's the case what's the point of dating the person at all in the 1st place? one may say that he does like the person, and does cherish the time spent with her. but that's because you have allocated a time and a space to be with that person, and you are only doing what you can to please her and vis versal within that time frame. but to love/to really like a person, there should not be such an allocation or time frame. the person would be, whether you like it or not, intentionally or unintentionally in your mind pretty much constantly or regularly. And one would not desire/find appeal in others be it physically/emotionally. but if that is not the case, it is apparent that he does not like the person he is dating as much as he probably should to continue dating her, then why continue? it does not make sense to me, and probably some who share the same view as me.

And just to add to the ridiculous way of living(to me atleast) to be intimate with everyone of the dates is even more undesirable. It's more like lust then love. and that should not be the objective of dating, or atleast not to me.

but i guess such a relationship would be possible if both the parties are holding the same belief, to play and have fun, 'enjoy' life. not commital, and just purely for company and enjoyment. as i should believe if one party is thinking of commitment and the other is just 'dating', it would be extremely hard on the committed party, as jealousy is not avoidable. and it would definitly cause hurt and pain. and such pain would only grow with time as love grows stronger if unfortunately only on one side.

that is my stand on dating. as i think to love someone whole heartedly sometimes you'll just have to give up something else, that's the point of loving. and i definitely do think that it is much more rewarding and satisfying to love and be loved whole heartedly, and see your other half happy, than to do so with moderation and feel half the commitment into the happiness of each other.

Visit of The Tai Tai

Went to watch a wild rice theater production last night, an unexpectedly long one with alot more content then what the production had had to give. Anyway, the whole thing lasted for 3hrs including interval, the 1st half was a stunning 1 1/2hrs! And i only got to reach home around 1230 which explains the incohesiveness and my inability to control my fingers in typing. sever lack of sleep for the past two days.

well, anyway, enough of me already, i'll talk about the show.

the visit of the tai tai was a show with quite a plot i'd say, it showed the evil face of our human race. how people can work against their conscience for the sake of money and find the 'right' reasons to perform then without feeling any sense of guilt. it was indeed quite a horrible portrayal of humans, what poverty can do to us, and what we'd do for material.(J was utterly traumatised by the thought)

The story started pretty simple, in a town, a small one, called sai tang(crap bucket), where the ppl of the town were waiting by the train station for the arrival of a woman who was once from the town itself. her name was incredibly difficult to pronounce, actually i hve difficulty even trying to remember what i sounds like now, mrs zakana...(something) oh well, i'll call her mrs z.

so she is now i think the riches woman on earth, supposedly owning half of the world, revisiting her homeground which is in a wreak and deep, and still sinking, in poverty. her arrival was greatly anticipated by the town ppl, the old friends and acquaintances and an old lover called antony who was the cause of her leaving the town. They had a great welcome waiting for her, and the woman was free to show off her wealth and ridiculous way of living. (changing husbands like clothes, doing whatever she wanted with the wealth she had, and no one dared/even wanted to defy what she wanted for the monetary rewards were high)

It was soon reveiled the real reason why she returned the this town, the town she hated so much, she wanted to have justice done. She offered a price, a billion dollars, 500 million for the town of saitang, and 500 million to be shared amoung the ppl of saitang, with but one condition, to have antony killed.

the ppl rejected quite aggressively and spoke of their morals, how they'd rather live in poverty then to have hands of blood at 1st, but were soon found to be spending future money, buying on credit and accumulating their debts, it was as though they were just waiting for someone else to kill Antony.

Meanwhile, antony being the store owner of a little provision stall,whom the ppl bought in credit too, noticed very well that everyone was buying and spending on credit, and all the other stalls allow that as well. he could feel it in the air that everyone is just waiting, inclusive of his wife, daughter and son.he became incredibly paranoid, but could not find help anywhere. eventually keeping himself locked up in his small room, spending his time pacing around all day.

after some time, he finally took out the courage to face up with his fear and face up with the wrong doings he had done. he had nice chats walking down the memory lane with mrs z, and spoke calmly of his death and afterdeath. he faced the town council calmly, and allowing them to do whatever they want after the town council court meeting. of coz, in the name of justice, the town council meeting was filled with ppl wearing silk shirts and satin dresses, the decision of death to antony was passed unanimously, and they were cruel/impatient enough to not even allow him to die at home but to die right there in the council hall after all the guests and reporters had gone for reception. Later reporting it as a tragedy of heart failure, 'of joy' they said.

the story ended with songs and dances as the town was re decorated and everyone was celebrating their wealth. it was rather saddening, how humans can just be so.. so inhuman.

the performance was generally well done, and some parts of it was rather funny, though some other parts were painful to watch especially when they were trying to 'console' antony to not worry, and there were some long draggy parts. but still, i'd recommand ppl to watch it. not that i think anyone would still want to watch it after i already wrote down the whole story. the whole thing ends on this sun which is actually tmr. with 2 performances today and 2 tmr. actually i haven't quite written down the whole damn story lah, how would it be possible to write down a 3 hr play in a short page like this? so it's still worth watching i think, cause it's the small parts that are funny.

sweet caress of the sunlight
brightening up my day
though i know that some day it will rain
i still allow myself to play

bright sunshine, when will you go away?
will you come back after the rain?
but love is selfish, and i want you to stay.
even if the flowers will wither and the woods decay

I want you to be mine
to be here always.
to only make my days better
and not all they.

And so i cry and so i whine.
coz i can never make you mine.
you don't want to and you can't
and you'll have to go someday.

Go then. Go.
I'll love you still.
but i don't want your warmth.
I'd rather leave this beautiful land and look for a pasture of my own.

I'll leave, I'll go.
I can't stay with you no more.
It hurts me more then the withered flowers
It hurts me more then you know.

for love is selfish
and you must know.
if it's not selfish,
it's love no more.

and for love is selfish
and so am i
I shall make my way to a greener life
to leave you before it hurts too badly.

And may i wish and hope that might,
when i look up into the skies you'll be there
and i'll be smiling
and i'll carry this memory for life.

And may i wish and hope that might,
when you look around and find my traces
you'll be smiling
and you'll carry this memory for life.

as some of you might have noticed, i've been miving some stuff from my previous blog to this one.. so the entries dated between 11-15-2003 to 10-22-2004 are all used furniture. i haven't really finished moving everything here yet. and i think the server cannot register so much information all at once.. coz my com is kindda corking up again.. and the uploading is super slow. so i'll continue some other day.

meanwhile.. Gavin. i need you to teach me/help my get a tag board on my diary too!! ASAP shouldn't be too hard i presume?

my type of love

I love you
without knowing when
or how
or why

I love you straightforwardly,
without complexities
or pride

And so I love
because I know no other way
then this

Where I does not exist
nor you

So close
that your hand on my chest
is my hand

So close
that your eyes close
as i fall asleep

heartbreak

If I can see what you are thinking
If I can hear your thoughts
'If'
That's one thing I can't afford
Maybe you were just playful
Maybe I mistook
'May be'
perhaps may be not
Love appeared like sunshine
Love gave me hope
'Love'
Now what is Love?
Why does it have that much to cost?
I'd gladly leave you
But I quiver at the thought
Now I wished if you could see
if you could see what's wrong
I hope I'm not too kind
to you
I hope I'm not

feeling sick

i'm feeling very sick now..
did i tell anyone i only had one freaking meal yesterday? and it was half a bowl of instant noodles.. nope i'm not on anysort of crazy diet. but i kindda just didn't feel hungry and time seemed to have slipped past without me knowing at all..

I made a big decision yesterday. one that i cannot regret.. but i am. damn. i hate it when this happens. anyway i was really silly, and now i am very upset. *takes big breathe* i'll just have to live with this for the time being i guess.. and hopefully i'll be fine in a while.

meanwhile, i should really devote a larger portion of my time into studying.. i really should.. but.. hahaa.. you know me. i'd rather devote my time in stupid things and watching southpark. ;P

I think i'm really silly when it comes to love. I seem to live in fantasy, where every person i loved i'd wish it'd be happily every after, i'd dream of marrying them and stuff.. but of coz, uptil now none of the dreams came even close to coming true. I love whole heartedly and stupidly if one might say. and would do almost anything for the person. haiz.. then end up.. think the kind of love i've been looking for and probably still looking for is like a kind of fairy tale love. where everything has to be close to perfect. I tend to think totally emotionally when it comes to guys i like.. and nothing logical registers.. atleast during the start of everything.. then.. everything falls apart when my logical self finds his way back to me. notice i used 'his' while refering to my logical self? anyhow, it's not good. i tend to want to run away from the handicaps of the relationship and end up breaking up hearts, both theirs and mine. and one would think such a scarred heart wouldn't fall in love so easily anymore, but you are WRONG. so wrong. sometimes i blame it on my zodiac, my birthdate, whatever. all of those fortune telling things say i'm ruled by my heart, ruled by love. i can't seem to help but fall for ppl... especially if they fall for me... and i can't control myself but want to tell them that i like them... sucks.. don't think i'll be able to change.. i end up making myself really hurt when the relationship don't turn out the way i thought it would be. i end up feeling i did something very wrong, and in turn had to run away from it even more.. sinking myself into a state of ultimate depression and self destruction. and then i'll break away from all the worries.. which in turn breaks even more hearts. i think there's something wrong with me.. definitely.. but i can't change it. i can't control it...

whatever the fcuk... screw it.

Open Your Eyes --- Ah Mei

open your eyes just say good bye
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Open your eyes and say good bye
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?????????????

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Sinking

Sometimes... life simply sucks.. it seeps out your juices bit by bit.. and before you know it. you are like a walking mummy on the streets, and the worst part is, you don't even have the bandages to save the world of this unsightliness.

As usual, I feel like shit today after having a relatively good morning. It's like the aftermath of bliss.. I'm feeling sick and tired and ultimately exhausted... It's like the saying.. i've stepped into a big pool of mud, and i can't pull myself out. it's using up all my energy...

on a lighter note, the story isn't finished yet.. I've got a feeling it's going to be pretty long.. i'll continue it some other time when the mood is right.. and i'm slightly less depressed.. meanwhile, i think it is turning out okie. if any one has any comment language wise please do give me some.. i should have a 2nd opinion about what i wrote and perhaps a 3rd.

A little story i wrote about a girl named Elisa

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm in love with you
I hope you are too...

Elisa wrote down this little poem of approximately no originality at all on a little yellow card she made. It may not be the best poem in the world, but it is truely what she feels.

Elisa is in love with a young man, a nurse in Kimberlane hospital. He is as gentle as the morning breeze, and strong as a tree. She's never seen him before, but people who have, said he had eyes like the the moon in the river, and a smile that can make the coldest nights warm.

'Ring... Ring....'

Elisa very quickly ran to the phone from her room. Counting every step as she ran. Her brother had asked several times, but she rejected the idea of having a phone installed in her room, she finds it 'unnecessary'. She arrived at the hall and quickly reached out her hands to feel for the phone....

'Hello! This is Elisa speaking.'

'Hi! Benjamin here, how are you?'

'Oh, I'm fine really been napping the whole day. haha. Lazy me.' Elisa hated lying, but she just can't bring herself to say she's been making cards even if she didn't say it's for him.

'I see. Well, that's something I'd like to do. The hospital had been really busy the whole morning, but i thought I'd give you a call to check on you. I seems you took leave today. Why?' He's voice sounded very stern suddenly.

She flustered. Looking for the right thing to say.. 'What reason can i give?!' she had taken leave for no better reason then that she wanted to make a card!

'I... I...' She muttered..

'You ate that dinner that had been lying in your fridge for god-knows-how-long didn't you!' He was so sure. 'I told you to get rid of it!

'Oh you see through me' And then she regretted lying again, but there wasn't a better reason that she could come up with.

'The hospital is quiet without you... ' Benjamin kind of muttered and trailed off as if embarassed to have made such a silly comment.

On the other end of the line, Elisa was flushed. She couldn't believe what she had heard and is too afraid to ask for verification.

'So when are you coming back?' Ben went back to his cheery self as if trying to hide his embarassment.

'I'll be back tomorrow!' Elisa replied with the same kind of awkward excitement.

The conversation ended very soon, leaving the shy wondering mind of Elisa thinking about what he meant by 'Quiet without you'. It kind of resonates in her mind in a magical way, like music, like a soft sweet tune of piano, making her happy. She lets it past, and let the idea settle as a beautiful understanding, or rather, misunderstanding.

She went to work as usual the next day. With her, is always her faithful dog Charles. Charles is also a nurse technically, he helps alot especially when it comes to the children wards, he has the ability to open up the hearts of the critically ill opening a path for Elisa to enter, or perhaps the other way around. Days passed, the card was left in the house, maybe that she is too shy, may be that it wasn't made with the intention of being given in the first place.

She is just such a girl. Always giving. Even if it was one sided. She is afraid to recieve, afraid to be hurt, afraid that things won't turn out the way she expected to have. Always afraid. But she never appeared so. She's always bright and cheery, brightening the days of everyone who crossed her path.

Hey... Guess what!

I can help you do templates if you want. I'm not too shabby at templates. =)

oh sweet love

i'm in love
but has love ever looked me in the eye?
does love care if he is mine.
i'm in love
with but a shell
with nothing but a dream, a dream of love..
was it really there?
or was it just my head?
am i really in love?

come to think of it after looking at the archives.. it's been a stunning 2 years since i last posted stuff here! wow.. that's a long time.. in which ever ways of counting... 2 years.... have i changed alot during these 2 years... for better or for worst?

it's been a loooong time since i came here... wanted to look for something initially.. and then i found something else... Sometimes i wonder if I had feelings for that special someone whom i consider a dear friend now. but then, it's of no consequence and i shall not dwell. mebbe i should come back here... but my blog will be very boring though.. coz i duno how to do all that template stuff... hmm.. I'll consider..

Things are getting better.

Was bloody depressed yesterday... suffered from severe mood swings... but thank god things took a good turn at ard evening. And now I'm almost fine though a little unsure.

loneliness...

I miss my friends.. suddenly I'm feeling very lonely in this diary of mine. emptiness sets in.

Alone

I'm alone.
In my room.
There's nothing in here with me.
I lie beside my empty shell.
Searching for a soul.
But all I see...
All I see...
Is an empty room...
With nothing more then tables and chairs
Nowhere I can roam.
With nothing more then still faces
nothing for me to hold.

Actually other then that.. I want to know why am I so strange?

1st day of studying Since graduation!

Today I'm going to study! Can't believe i'm saying this... haha... I graduated on wed~ and now i'm having my 'holiday' but know what? I'm actually thinking of studying.. very unlike me... haha.. but then... well, As is around the corner, probably i should be more enthusiastic about it.. ;P so... wish me luck for my 1st step!

pissed

just finished writing a private entry... feeling slightly better but nonetheless i'm still not very happy.
anyway... i should change my mood.
1stly, I want to thank gorilla for smsing me yesterday. thank you!! ^_^ made me happy. I didn't really get to celebrate my birthday at all though.. my parents fought and my mom got all upset, ended up with a headache and cancelled the birthday dinner. i was upset. but i guess i can't really be upset... it's not really like someone did me wrong anyway... just sad that shit always happens on my birthday... last year was the same.. still can't quite believe that my very own parents didn't even think of bringing me for a birthday dinner last year on my 18th birthday... and everyone thought the actual birthdays are always celebrated with family.... haiz...
I haven't had a birthday cake since like ages... mebbe they don't care.. mebbe no one really cares.. but i think i do.. sucky..
okie.. i should think of happy things ya? i went to take a neo card thingy with a good friend of mine yesterday though.. made me happy. and she got me the cd on disney songs!!! ^_^ got me all excited.. ;P
other presents i got was a canned plant..I'm supposed to open it and water it or something.. and plants will grow out...
and my darling class got me a set of accessories.. a necklace with a clover pendent and earrings.. pink... haha.. hardly wear anything pink other then one shirt of mne.. mebbe i should be more feminine... ;P
hmm.. not many.. but i'm happy enough... ;P
I guess...

KL trip!

everything turned out pretty well. we set off on friday night and reached at 3 in the morning? haha... the hotel has zouk just opposite it. but... haiz.. it's a wasted facility.... i soooo wanted to go... ;P
other then that. I had fun~
Went to watch Motor gp on sat. which was an interesting experience. The feeling when the motors voom droom past is incredible. the sound seem to resonate down the spine giving a sensational sensation. The race probably wasn't as exciting as we've expected it to be, but it was fun anyhow. ^_^
and then on sun, we went to Times square~ it's a huge place. or what I know somebody would say... INSANE. I think, it is impossible to finish shopping/even loitering around the whole mall... ;P and there was the indoor theme park. hahaa... it's the biggest indoor theme park IN MALAYSIA... haha... kindda like..... so? but it is nice. took the roller coaster ride twice, the machine that spins in total madness, and the bumper car. coz i had to come back by evening, so the games day was cut short... nonetheless, it was an incredibly fun day! *happy*
I should go out more often....

last week of JC life

this is like the last week of my JC education now. I'll be graduating next week tuesday, and then it'll be 'holiday' for us to prepare for our As.... for this whole week until then, it will be lectures everyday without tutorials, which is kindda good and bad at the same time.... i like tutorials more coz i can kindda do more. but now the lectures are abit like tutorials giving us Questions to do and then goin though them. btu then i just don't find the mood to do stuff during lectures.. it think it's that feeling where you know no body is looking... hahaa... ;P (no wonder my prelims turned out so bad)
it's a pretty nice coincidence for my graduation day to coincide with my birthday on a wednesday.. haha.. coz it's just perfect! you see, it's ladies night on wednesdays where i can have free flow of drinks and stuff, and i've got double the reason for me to go celebrate! hahaa?!! ^_^ very pleased with that. i've been clubbing quite alot latey though... will have to stop at some point.. getting dark circles and eye bags i think..
And i'll probably go this sat as well? hahaa... think i'm going mad already....

to:**** ***

I've been dreaming alot of the same person lately...some times i think I'm the one who did him wrong, and then again, he was the one who started it.In any case, I want to apologise. but I can't. He is so near yet so far. probably he'll just think I'm acting. I still remember what he said to me. and it still hurts....

I know you think that i shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it,
Well, I'd still have felt it,
Now where's the sense in that?

I promise I won't make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down this ship
and I won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love, always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
I caused nothing but trouble
I'd understand if you can't talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of 'it's over'
that I guess that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love, always will be

And when we meet
I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
and hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on~

bumming~

I'm so lasy i surprise myself sometimes.
no one...n i mean absolutly noone wld hv been able to guess wat im doin rite nw. i'm lying on my bed, clicking on e mouse using e on screen keybord coz i too lazy to type or evn to sit up! using my hips as a mouse pad as well!
i'm such a bum. i need me one to ask me out...

Prelims

goodness.. i feel drained.. and i don't think i'm gonna do well....
i studied like mad for this... okie may be not exactly like mad.. but... i did work hard.. but everything just seem to go...' ' in the examination hall... the moment i see the paper.. the questions.. it's as if no matter how many excercise papers/questions i did it won't matter.. haiz...
well, atleast prelims is over.. i should take this opportunity to catch up on all the things that i have forgotten. all the maths questions that i was good at.. all the physics that i've never been good at, and all the ... playing i've been too good at.. ;P
oh well.. time for bed... will be having a 2day break, and then it's back to school~

wow~~ OD just turned back time~~

it seems that i am back to 1 month ago... or atleast the diary is... quite upset that quite some of my entries were deleted... but what the hell... mebbe it's good to erase some memories sometimes....
It's prelims for me now... dying... did my GP paper last sat, didn't think it was too bad.. but that is bad news, coz whenever i feel so, I'm bound to fail. then there was fm paper one one tue. that was pretty damn sucky.. i calculate a total of 27 marks out of 100.. so i'm like sooooo dead... and then, today.... phy prac. god, i couldn't finish answering the 2 stupid experiments! i'm like so en-ger-li....bah... it's all over for me.. anyway, i'm just lucky this isn't the actually thing...

I'm in school!

hehee.. the title says it all.. i'm in school's com lab now... using ultra slow and super lagging computers... writing this entry coz the computer is soooo slow with generating the sites.. it's impossible not to deviate, or rather to not to WANT to deviate... oh well, just finish a 1 hr lecture on Fmaths... can feel my brain juices draining... arhh.. dying.. any ways.. hope everybody else have a great day!!! ;>

messed up

okie.. my love life is totally screwed... thanks to somebody... now i don't even know if i should feel sad/happy/angry.... ;< guess it's a mixture of all the above... haiz... y does everything always just happen out of nowhere... i like surprises... but i'm not sure if this is a good or a bad one... in one sense.. i feel very happy... haven't been this happy for a long time... but yet... there is so much more that i have to sarcrifice for this kind of happiness.. guess i'll just act blur all the way... learn from an advice i've got some time back...bhaaa...

self intro? not a good one though...

I am a pig! I'm lazy. Lazier then any human being you thought could have been. Yes, I'm a lazy bum, lazy lazy bum. anything else won't matter. coz nothing beats the laziness in me. yap,
I'm Lazy, And I'm Proud Of It!!

Crying

When I fall in love.It would be forever.Or I won't fall in love again.

Holiday sucks....

I went to school today... horrible day to go to school.... another episode of my sucky holiday which i hate. lets see.. what happened today?
Woke up at 730 to reach school by 9. giving 1 hr allowence for getting to school and 30 mins to prepare... soon i realised that 30 mins isn't really enough for preparation to school.. especially when it took me 15 mins to wake up.. well, anyhow... I thought since that is the case i might as well take a cab... WRONG DECISION. i went down to the bus stop... thought i was really hungry and thought, y not take a bus to central to get a bite 1st b4 goin to school... EVEN WORST DECISION! I got on to a bus and headed for clementi central. i reached at 825, it takes abt 20 mins by car to get to school. So i've still got some time, i went to buy a fille-o-fish and ate as i made my way to the other side of the road(the correct direction of the traffic towards my school) I got to the other side, there wre already tonnes of ppl waiting. it was about 830 by the time i reached there... and so i found a nice little spot with only 1 couple waiting for taxi infront of me, thinking it should be pretty fast.WRONG! After wating for about 5mins, one taxi came and the couple took it(normal), Waited for another 5 mins without any free/alighting taxis(not normal) looking at the time, i was thinking if i don't get a taxi now, i'm goin to end up late! i tried dialing for one. i called the taxi company, after having a hard time explaining where i was(as the location isn't exacly anywhere, it's just some where by the road side) finally they are getting me dispatched. listening to the music from the answering machine, while waiting for me to get an avaliable dispatchment(is there even such a word/use??) a taxi came by just not too far infront of me, and some body alighted. thinking since i've already called a cab, might as well let the bunch of relectant school girls take it. HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MOVE!!!! straight after i let them have it, the machine said ,'sorry, but there are no avaliable taxis right now, please dial 1 if you want o continue......' !!!!!!! what! after making me wait and wait, no taxis avaliable!!!!???? to make things worst for me, i put down the phone (coz normally no taxis would be avaliable for a few minutes) and after like 2 mins a taxi which was on call came and picked up a lady behind me! what!!!??? why does she get the taxi but not me!? fish. nvm. i continue to wait.. another god-knows-how-many mins gone. it's about 850 now. frustration.... i called the cab company again.. the machine started dispatching again... why is it so that taxis only come when your call is being attended to? not before a taxi is already allocated and nv b4 you make the stupid call? I cannot hardly believe my eyes when like 3-5 free taxis drove past me coz i didn't flag it due to that i already made a call for one. it was living hell i tell you, watching the ppl behind you get onto the taxiz. and then, i got a call... it was from the taxi driver... where are you huh? are you at the mrt of opp block 320? MY GOD!@@!#$%^#%^ mind you, it was the operator that told me that was the correct way of entering the add and she entered it herself!!! i had to keep my patients while explaining where the hell i was to him. and he said,'orh... so you are on the OTHER side of the MRT station ar... then I'll have to make a turn to the other side. okie? i make a turn, you wait for me hoh.' ARGGGHHGGHGGHGGHHHH it was a super wrong decision to say. okie, i'll wait, coz just then... ANOTHER 2 FREE TAXIS DROVE PAST!!! ONE NEARLY WANTED TO STOP FOR ME.. WHILE I WAS BLOODY RELECTANT TO FLAG BECOZ?! BECOZ OF THE BLOODY TAXI WHICH WENT TO THE BLOODY WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD! nvm.. it took him about 5 mins to make the stupid turn?! and then, he over shot and didn't see me standing by the road... couldn't take it anymore... for him to make a turn back.. probably would take about another 5 mins?(it occured to me that to wait for a called taxi that got lost, missed me, has to take another 5 mins to turn back and costs $3.20 more is just plain STUPID when dozens of free taxis are driving past...)i got onto the next taxi that came by.okie, that leaved me with 2 mins to get to school, even if i had flagged down a fighter jet, i'm not quite sure it'll be able to send me to school without me being late.in any case, to think that would be the ending would be a mistake. getting slighty less tensed on the taxi i msged my friend abt my incredible 'journey' to school, although it almost ended less then 2 kms away from my house. whilst i was smsing him...i heard the someting that could have made me jump out of the car and find the nearest big tree to bang my head against.AIYO, HOW COME I'M SUCH A MUDDLE HEAD TODAY? SHOULD HAVE TURNED IN THE NEXT TURN, WHY DID I TURN IN HERE?AAAAARRRRGGG!!!!!!!! WHY?! WHY?!!!! WHY is MY life sooooo miserable?! he took ages to make a U-turn(by what it felt at that moment) I very nearly went mad.... THANK GOD THE REST OF THE JURNEY WASN'T TOO BAD, the only thing was i had no idea which route he was taking at all.. coz i've nv taken that route b4?(or mebbe he was lost?)
all in all, i reached school at about 915? or mebbe 920. if i had taken the bus to school straight after i reached clementi i coud have reached by then as well.. but noo.. i had to spend $10 to be late for school. and endure the most frustrating day of my life..

Ren sheng zhen wu liao

sorry for those that don't understand...
wo yao men si le!!!! arrrr.... wei shen mo qi ta ren dou xi huan, shen zhi pan wang jia qi de dao lai.. er wo.... jia qi jian zhi yao ming, mei shi ke zuo, yi xiang dao kai xue jiu de kao shi, gen shi... sian 1/2 1/2(gang xue de hahaa)
na, wei shen mo qi ta ren dou xi huan fang jia ne? rang wo xiang xiang... 1)ta men xiang li yong jia qi lai du shu, rang zi ji you chong fen de shi jian yi ying fu kao shi.. 2) ta men xiang tao bi xian shi, zi wo qi pian, bing chen jing zai zi ji de huan xiang zhong, zi yi wei jia qi hen hao wan, wu you wu lv. 3) ta men ben lai jiu bu dan xin kao shi, gen bu zai hu chen ji, fang jia zheng shi ta men xiang yao de, ren sheng mu di zhi wei le wan, wan, wan.
zan qie wo zhi xiang dao zhe 3 ge gao ke neng xing de li you... huo xu zai xiang xiang, you yi jian/jian yi de hua, huan ying liu yan.

yawnz...

I'm so tired.. i need a massage.... hmm.... reminds me of a new friend i made a few days back..hahaa... he is a male massure... hahaa... gigalo? still remains as a mystery to me.. only met him once, chatted abit. don't really think we would ever see each other again.. hahaa... wonder how it's like to be massaging a woman when one is a guy... ;P okie.. thinking too far...

Gucci Gucci Guu...

Happy birthday to you... happy birthday to you... Happy birthday to Slavy~ Happy birthday to you... A day late, but better then nothing i think, well, anyway, he won't appreciate it...
My com is goin alittle nuts, amongst it's other problems(in ability in reading/ decoding chinese, unable to get into some sites...etc) it just automatically deleted what i wrote just now.... it's suppose to be new... i wonder what's wrong... one of the major problem according to my brother(i'm a com idiot) is that the com came with wndows xp already installed into the system... and so, no cd was given to us... thus, we cannot reinstall the thing... quite stupid if you ask me... even a com idiot would think it's not a v clever idea. well anyway.. i don't know what to do with it either.. so guess i'll just have to live with it... and read my chinese mails elsewhere... ;<

Central grading.

yesterday was our drama central grading.... had some screwups.. thankfully not really big/obvious ones.. i thought. Well, anyway, the teachers were please overall, and they think we did great! and... they think we have the chance to win, as the audiences didn't notice the mistakes, the director even praised us and said we were very professional and covered the mistakes well.. ;P hehee... happy happy... now is the nervous part.. we'll have to wait for like 2 weeks for the results to come out.... I really hope we'd win... if not gold, atleast silver.. if not we'll all be devastated... now it all depends on the judge... :< don't like this feeling of helplessness... chao~