The truth unravels

Unfortunately mostly by me.

Am I too smart at this kindda things for my own good? probably. The more I try to not jump into conclusions, wait and see, hang on for awhile longer, the more i find that truth hurts.

Even until the last second I'd still hope and wish that he'll tell my truthfully what had been going on and what will be. but my efforts would more often then not proof to go down the drain.

Being told the truth is different from telling it. There's a difference between whether I already know what's going on and hearing it from you. It makes me feel atleast a little better and trust you more when you tell me the truth. It is true that I will feel upset, but atleast I know what you are thinking, and I might still like you. But to lie, means you don't think what you are doing is right in the 1st place, then why are you doing it? It is even more cowardly to hide. To lie is to risk having me know. If you think it's worth you risking me know, that speaks alot about what you feel towards our relationship. And you should know that to let me find out by myself is going to be more painful then to have you told me.

I gave you chances, one after another. Asking you very direct and detailed questions. But you failed miserably. If you lied so as to not hurt me, you did a terrible job. If you really cared for my happiness, you wouldn't have done all this. And if you did you'd have felt guilty. If you really cared about my happiness, you'd be telling me that you won't be doing all this shit anymore, and not looking for explainations and excuses. Or, you'd have agreed to leaving me alone if you think you won't be able to comprehend the change. I tried understanding and accepting your lifestyle, and to say the truth, it's beyond my comprehension. Perhapz it's time somebody else did something instead of me...

I'm tired.

And i think i'm falling ill..