nonsensical entry.

I'm in love with someone I shouldn't
Some one who shouldn't love me is in love.
The one whom I love does not love me.
The one who loves me I love not.

The world keeps on turning
My head keeps on spinning.
Perhaps I should stop loving whom I shouldn't
And love who loves me most.

But love is such a strange language.
One can't communicate without
Yet the language is so sacred
And hard to pass around.

You kiss very well.

And I said,
'I love to kiss,For I kiss for Love.'
That's why I can kiss well.

Once love is given out.
It cannot be taken back.
And so I know I'll love you all my life.
Even if I say good bye.

Even if....
probably I SHOULD be saying good bye.

Make up entry for my First Thanksgiving dinner!

Hihi. Yaya.. I know.. Thanks giving is a holiday celebrated by Americans only. But I had the chance to have a taste of a Thanks giving dinner held buffet style in Regent Hotel on the day itself! It was pretty good, ofcoz I went with an American friend(how else would I ever get the idea of celebrating Thanksgiving?) and he told me about all the different things he would eat back home on Thanks giving. He said that Thanks giving actually is the occasion where the Americans eat the most as compared to any other festival of the year! And he said back home he'd have like loads of food. And Americans seriously eat alot...

To check out the origins of Thanks giving see here
http://www.thanksgiving.org/2us.html

So the dinner was nice. All sorts of meat, yam in sugar(sweet potato), bbq steak(which was unusual for buffet), mash potatoe with cream cheese, salmon spinach pie, salad, turkey(which i didn't try coz he say it wasn't nice. and was a little dry. funny no gravy though)pumpkin pie, pecan pie and lots of fresh raspberries! yum! I had chocolate moose and creme bulee as well! yummy yummy!! hahaa...

He also tried to order Egg Nog, which they didn't serve without alcohol, so he decided not to get that eventually. Sounds weird huh. I thought so too, had no idea what it is until I went grocery shopping with him where he bought for himself 2 packets of it and I got the chance to try it afterwards. Apparently it is just milk with eggs and suger... something like that.. but the packet ones are just egg nog flavoured milk. The taste is quite interesting.. actually it taste alittle like baileys... just that it doesn't contain alcohol. So I do kindda like it since I like baileys.

So if anyone want to have a try on thanks giving food. Egg nog could be a start! haha.. It tastes good anyway as a drink itself. ;P

Going for breakfast now~ ciao~

Saturday morning syndrome

Yap, it's another Saturday morning.. I'll be tasting the Saturday mornings in London in about 2 weeks time now. Looking forward, yet a little reluctant.

Anyway, today is a typical Saturday morning in Singapore where I'll be up in the morning, whilst everyone else will be up around noon probably to have 'breakfast'. Everyone is either sleeping or went out? I doubt the latter. And there'd absolutely NOBODY else online except me.(atleast on msn it seems that way.)

Oh well, I like mornings.. I find them very refreshing. So I tend to wake up pretty much early as compared to the rest of the Singaporean population. Actually, it's also partially because I find it hard to fall back to sleep in the morning especially when I can feel sunlight coming through the window, even if it's the slightest.

-The language we must all learn-

Mornings that come with fresh smelling flowers
Birds that flock their feathers
Listening to the crows of the black birds
Suddenly seems much better
A slight mist in front of the window
As the rays of the Sun fell through
I feel the warmth that life brought for me
And the cool of the passing breezes
The skies of blue and white ripples
The green from near to far
I closed my eyes and listen in silence
The importance of all languages.

Exams are OVER~!

took me awhile to realise that... haha..sinking in slowly..

kindda wasn't as 'over' as i thought it would feel. come to think of it.. I'm not sure what i'll do next year.. i was kindda 'recommanded' a job by a taxi driver the other day. it's $88 a day, minimum work for 2 5-day-weeks, from 7am-7pm as some kind of a photocopying factory operator. sounds good to me.. haha.. but i can only start work next year.. and he also asked me to try and ask my friends if they'd want the job as the place is really in need for helpers. So, if anyone is interested in the above deal, just give me a tag ya~ (have to go through an interview apparently.. oh ya, BTW, the place is near jurong)

I bought some CDs some days back. 7 cds all together..... !!!??? no lah, i'm not so rich... haha.. actually i only bought 2 cds the rest were all FREE! haha.. the person who was selling the CDs kept on pushing freebies at my face while trying to pursuade me to buy the 2 CDs. haha.. the scene was really quite funny. and he had to take out this rather big bag to contain all 7 pieces of cd when i am only paying for 2. haha.. ;P my mom reckon he was dazzled by my beauty.. hahaa... I think.. he is just damn bored at the store. hahaa.. ;P

It was quite a good week this week. B is very sick though, so i'm often out nursing him. I think he is kindda getting better.. somehow i don't think the medi that the doctors gave him did him much ,if any, good. I've been trying to give him some chinese medi i have at home.. but kept forgetting.. oh well. he seems to get sick quite easily, and recover reeeeeaaally slowly so i reckon i'd get my chance to give him the medi the next time he falls sick.. hahaa... ;P

Spent some nights in my friend's house, which was nice... it's always fun to have friends around all the time.. someone to just lie around or talk to whenever you want to. perhaps it is true that i do feel lonely sometimes.. most of my family is always not at home anyway... oh well...

Shit man...

I just realised that there is a probability(unfortunately quite a big one) that i'll fail my math 9233. I suffered severe mental blockage on both the papers 1 and 2. and i recall calculating my marks on paper 2 to only add up to 50+, and that is all the marks i'll get if i get all the questions i did correctly.. that sucks.. (I still think it's due to the 'unlucky' skirt i wore on both the papers.. both my physics and Fmath paper 1 came out not too bad when i changed skirt) darn. i think i should burn the skirt..)

anyway.. I've still got 3 more papers to go.. 2 big ones that are on the same day(screwed), and a difficult-to-score one the next day... hopefully i'll pull through... I'm already making plans for like if i fail math 9233 i'll have to try to do well on the other papers so that i can re-take only math9233 if i have to..(which has high probability that i WILL have to) haiz.. wonder what it'd be like if i get back my results and it says GP C5 Fm B Phy C Math 9233 F.. hmm.. not that i've got much to be proud of in my other papers.. but i think it'd b interesting to have my Math 9233 score worst then my Fmath one.. haha..

Meanwhile.. i'm thinking of doing part time modelling(if i can) and go find a job(probably i won't mind being a free labour) in the theater business.. like mebbe wild rice! or something... I'm seriously thinking of persuing an acting career for the good of my mental well being..

I better go back to studies.. oh ya.. breakfast 1st.... btw.. I'm ill... slight fever, blocked nose and cough with lots of green hard gu-ee flam.. they always fasinate me.. haha.. ;P

OH YES! IT WAS OLIVIA'S BD YESTERDAY!! hehee.. purposely didn't wish her happy birthday planning a little surprise for her in the middle of the exams..~ ;P

Exams sucks..

dieded. better go study..

Entry from Malaysia~

Yello folks~!

Yap, I'm in Malaysia now. Just came dowon from Genting Highlands and currently using the com in the little LAN room of Ocean View Resort, Port Dickson. The whole LAN room only has 2 computers actually... hahaa.. oh well~ the connection is fast, so what the hell. Kindda like the fact that I'm pretty much alone anyway. (the room behind this one is a video games room though.. lots of kids inside there playing soccer or something..) The genius of this LAN is such that they actually put the security people incharge of the rentals and stuff. And so, it can be 24 hrs! Smart ei? Even I wouldn't have thought of that. >_<"

We set of to M'sia on Sat morning, reached the customs at around 0530 I think.. It's pretty early, but one really must not underestimate the 'earliness' the people who wants to go to M'sia can get(just as for Hello Kitties and many other freebies). "bie2 lun4 jing1 xing2 zao3, geng4 you3 zao3 xing2 ren2" There definitely was a queue, not a very long one(we were still not that late), but long enough to let us queue for about 30mins. My Dad predicts a long queue when we go back tmr, so we are going to go back in the 'niao3 bu4 sheng1 dan4 de shi2 jian1' like 5 in the morning tmr...

Coz my brother went to Cameroon(is this the way it's spelt?) on Thurs before us, so we decided to pick him up in KL before continuing the trip up to genting since it's along the way, and my bro will be going there as part of his package tour(i think he likes one of the girls, who is his classmate, who went on the trip. But that's another story...). So I manage to get to Times Square again! but not much time to play and all this time round. me and my Mom went to the salon and had our hair washed and blown. and the stylist made my hair into this BIG permed look. haha.. quite nice lah.. but abit the... er.... BIG... haha... look kindda old also... ;P

anyway, after that we went for lunch at the 'gu3 tou2 guan3'(bone restaurant?) just in the street behind times square. It was quite an amazing coincidence actually.. coz me and my mom watched a tv eating programme.. then they had a small part that talked about this place. And when my dad drove past Pudu while looking for the carpark entrance to Times Square(This was before we got into TS), I found the street name very very familiar..and then i remembered that show and that restaurant! but the thing is.. we have no idea where the restaurant is. And my dad didn't exactly look like he is goin to go on search for it. But. While we were driving around, we saw the restaurant! and that was how we decided to go there for lunch afterwards!

THE food there is pretty nice, and quite unique. some good dishes include, zhao jia gu chui(bone marrow, sucked out using a straw, Kindda like Tulang, only it's Chinese styled), ya qian gu(taken from the hind legs of the pigs, the texture if the meat is good and the marination is nice too. It has a nice bit of saltiness when it 1st enters the mouth, and when mixed with the rest of the meat and some rice, the taste just blends into perfection. If you wanna go try it, you'll have to make a reservation 1st though), shan hu dou fu(tou fu with minced meat sauce on it, served with brocolli and half steamed egg whites laying the plate. The minced meat sauce is nothing much special, the tou fu is only slightly above average, but the egg whites are very nice. It's actually steamed in such a way that it is soft, it's almost like tou fu, but cooked.. haha.. and matched very well with the rest of the components of the dish, thus making the dish worth a try i think), another dish i'd recommand would be the fried eel( it's usually not served with any special sauces i think. but when matched it with the salty powder of another dish it tasted great though.. unfortunately i forgot to ask what powder that is, and i can't remember that dish did it come with as well. anyway. i like eel. so.. oh well)

After we met up with my bro we went up to Genting and spent some time sleeping there before commencing other activities.

Went for dinner and then it was free time for all. nothing much happened,so nothing much to say. But i went clubbing later that night. which was fun. didn't really drink.. though i was offered a tonne of drinks.. but i guess i'd better be safe then sorry. afterall, it's the 1st time i went clubbing alone.

Everything ended by about 230, I got to know some ppl there. one of which is a Singaporean, another tried to stalk me after everything.. but of coz i managed to escape. Hopefully i won't get to see them again.. it's kindda scary.

So, we came down to KL and wanted to visit the petronas towers today, unfortunately it's not open today. so we went for a short shop about the petronas mall instead. didn't buy much, but i bought a gift for B.. hehee.. hope it fits though..

and then here I am! I better stop now. coz my time is almost up. only 2 coms is no good. there are kids waiting to use the com to play gun bound i think... I better sleep~ have to wake up early tmr~ hope everyone is having a good night~

Parting

Tonight we part,
Tonight we part.

But we will meet again.

And I wait
I anticipate

For the two weeks ahead.

When will we part again?

I should be glad when parting comes.
For it meant we met again.

But why do people always frown
As they hold love's parting hand?

If love is there, there it will be
And there's no need to feel thus sad.

And so I smile when I leave the ground
For I know that's what's needed.

And you can remember how sweet I look
Until the next parting started...

stupid tag board

kaoz.. duno y i cannot tag on my tag board. grr... tried yesterday night and now. still cannot.. anyway, what i wanted to say was,

hihi~my com seemed abit mad yesterday night, couldn't tag at all.. anyway...beer batter fish and chips sounds damn good! count me in!! ;P

so there~ the alternative for the stupid tag board.
;P

I wrote a new song the other day.. but it's in chinese, and i don't think blogger can show chinese coz i tried last time and it was a wasted effort. so i shall not try again. anyway, the lyrics are abit mushy.. ;P so i'll shy... :''>

anyway, i'm going out for lunch soon~ better bring some notes along to read.. ;P hope every one out there is having a great warm lovely morning~!

Little holiday between the exams.

haha.. okie i did it again. i went clubbing last night.. couldn't resist it. haven't had the chance to dance and drink for quite some time. ;P
come to think of it i drank quite a lot last night. 1st was Sake during dinner in a jap restaurant at MS, but that was sample drinking, had the chance to have a taste of Kouro(kindda sweeter and more aromatic in taste), and 2 other kinds which i can only remember one starts with a H and the other T.... ;P guess it was a waste of money to bring me for wine tasting. haha.. but i do remember the H one tasted much lighter then the others(nonetheless still very aromatic), and the T one is like more common, normal Sake somehow. And then after that we had a sample of Awamori on the rocks, and then we ordered an Awamori cocktail. afterwhich we ordered a glass of I-can't-remember-what-it-was but it was kindda like whisky other then that it's clear in colour, tasted rather interesting though.. like nothing i've drank b4.

If anyone is wondering what Awamori is, it's a kind of liqueur domestically made from Osaka?(I'm really no good at names) *edited: It's Okinawa, i just remembered.. all the O___ making me confused. anyway, the restaurant has kindda an Okinawa style jap cuisine theme anyway. I think the boss is from Okinawa*
and it's a little like vodka and sake mix? it's kindda interesting. quite nice i think.

And all that was even b4 we went to the club!

After dinner we went to dbl o, and due to that it was ladies night and that it was deepavali eve, the place was open until 4 and had one-for-one drinks~ cool. I had 2 glasses of Irish White Guy, and a big glass of Vodka Coke. I wonder if Irish White Guy is considered Baileys or not.. but I like that kindda drink. has that malty creamy taste. Slurp~

But it's kindda weird, coz after like all that drinking(and dancing), I didn't feel drunk at all!! how is that? I wonder if it's because the alcohol content in low, or did my ability to take liquor rise? hm.. well, anyway, don't really think i'd want to get drunk anyway.

But if you thnk that's the 'holiday' i was talking about. you are so wrong. haha.. i still can't believe it, but my dad actually organized a trip to genting highland for the long weekend. and you know what? i'm coming back on mon. and paper on tue. haha.. i must have been mad to actually agree to go. But ofcoz, my parents don't get long weekends and holidays very often, so i guess i should go anyway. Perhaps i'll just bring some studying there as well..(well, but there's always a difference between bringing the study and studying itself unfortunately)

Oh ya! and at the jap restaurant! we had dessert after the meal. and i ordered the sesame pudding, THAT WAS LIKE SOOOO GREAT i think.. haha.. coz i really like all the sesame desserts really, from paste to ice-cream, it's the 1st time i heard of sesame pudding though. and it was great. I love pudding, and i like sesame desserts, so that was like a perfect combination, and the presentation and everything was great too! So, it's a definite must try if you ever go to the restaurant. It's beside cafe cartel in MS, Oen, I think.. the food there is pretty good as well, so i think it's worth going. a little bit expensive though. ;P but i like jap food. hehe..

Man i hate myself.

I feel so stupid, and the worst part is i can't help it. While i was angry, i was already anticipating myself to forgive him?! Darn. I don't understand myself. How the hell did i get myself to like someone so much that I can't even leave him when he is stupid and fucked up.

I spent the day sleeping and making things for him. minimal studying.. i think i only did like 3 questions on math or something.. and then half way through it, i was thinking like... what the fark am i doing man. why am i still making farking stuff for him?! but i still continued anyhow.. haiz.. I feel so useless..

And i'd anticipate for him to msg/call to explain or something.. anything really.. and i actually came online 3 times today. 3 FREAKING TIMES. y? coz he is online. man i suck. I can't even properly get angry with someone....

all apologies intended. i need an outlet.

FARK! I feel like screaming into his god damn ears and punching him in the face. A good tight punch! I'm not very rational now. I know. Coz I can feel how angry I am and things are just coming out, I'm not even sure I really did think through what I said b4 I said them.

I can no longer listen to my heart.

I finally woke up. And the truth is, I'm in all this shit because i listen to my heart too much. I feel too much. And i put in too much.

What I've been told is probably right. I should try and learn them, and learn them well. 2 hearts should never overlap, no one in their right mind would actually think of you before himself. humans are selfish animals who would lie to get what ever he wants. there's no way one would see you as a part of their life. probably subconsciously me too. there's no such thing as true love. there's no way love can work in both ways and in equal quantity. how does one quantize love in the 1st place? anyway. one should nv pour his/her heart out to anyone. it's not safe. it makes one vulnerable to hurt. true feelings should be kept whether it's good or bad.

The truth unravels

Unfortunately mostly by me.

Am I too smart at this kindda things for my own good? probably. The more I try to not jump into conclusions, wait and see, hang on for awhile longer, the more i find that truth hurts.

Even until the last second I'd still hope and wish that he'll tell my truthfully what had been going on and what will be. but my efforts would more often then not proof to go down the drain.

Being told the truth is different from telling it. There's a difference between whether I already know what's going on and hearing it from you. It makes me feel atleast a little better and trust you more when you tell me the truth. It is true that I will feel upset, but atleast I know what you are thinking, and I might still like you. But to lie, means you don't think what you are doing is right in the 1st place, then why are you doing it? It is even more cowardly to hide. To lie is to risk having me know. If you think it's worth you risking me know, that speaks alot about what you feel towards our relationship. And you should know that to let me find out by myself is going to be more painful then to have you told me.

I gave you chances, one after another. Asking you very direct and detailed questions. But you failed miserably. If you lied so as to not hurt me, you did a terrible job. If you really cared for my happiness, you wouldn't have done all this. And if you did you'd have felt guilty. If you really cared about my happiness, you'd be telling me that you won't be doing all this shit anymore, and not looking for explainations and excuses. Or, you'd have agreed to leaving me alone if you think you won't be able to comprehend the change. I tried understanding and accepting your lifestyle, and to say the truth, it's beyond my comprehension. Perhapz it's time somebody else did something instead of me...

I'm tired.

And i think i'm falling ill..

insulted

Omittance of vital truths/any truth deliberately=Lying
Purposefully misinterpreting and selectively answering=Lying
Not wanting to cause upset=Lying
Lying=Lying

Had a long day yesterday, atleast it seemed that way to me. I ask very direct questions sometimes, when i feel that there's no room for me to shy anymore.

'would you lie to me if you knew what you are going to do is going to upset me?' was my question.

'I have been honest with you so far even though you threatened to break up with me.' was the answer

following it was a msg which he sent to the wrong person.
'just got baileys as my duty free allowance with our monday date in mind. :)'

well, now i've got to be really stupid to actually try to believe his explaination isn't it?
'yes. sorry sent to wrong person. my best friend and his gf will be in town monday and tuesday.'

weeeell, i don't exactly think i'll sent that to my best friend OR his gf, and when the person who sent it is a guy? like, guys, would you send your best friend(guy) '...with our monday date in mind. :)' if it's for the girl, doesn't it sound a little too... too... much?

Kaoz.. i think i've lied too much in my life, that i cannot tolerate unskillful lying. i mean it's like, you don't even put heart into LYING to me!! i feel insulted...

'will not be able to see you tonight though..........have to run errands, sleep, and host this birthday party for this friend of someone i used to date.'
oh pa-leeees. who on earth would agree to host a birthday party 'for this FRIEND of SOMEONE I USED TO DATE'? and further more, the party starts at 730?! as anyone who has hosted a birthday party before should know, is it even possible to start a party that late, with the organizer not even there yet? NO!

I returned him his keys, and finally had the chance to see how isa looked like. not as pretty as i thought, i thought. but a very fake accent somehow. perhaps that's the kind of girl who is hip and going, and the kind that will suit him more i suppose. I wonder what happened yesterday night at his place after all the sms and stuff.. well, i'll just wait for isa's update!

gone.

what should go should go
what's the use of holding on.

only when one opens up his hand
then can he feel the world around him.

off the lights my dear,
off the lights.
It hurts my eyes.

I'll wait till the time is right
to put the wet pillows out of sight.

and i'll sweep up the broken pieces on the floor
the broken pieces of flesh and gore..

Interesting news(for me).

yap, it's another one of those things which i have no idea how to react to. amused. not really positively.. not sure if it's negatively... just confused i guess.. but i know this is one of the things which i shouldn't be thinking about, coz the effects are often slow reacting.. so i'll probably only start feeling really upset later on...i mean like.. really really upset...

actually.. i think it's settling in.. I'm starting to feel the sadness already... okie.. official heart break. arrgg... i've got to get a grip of myself.. still have a whole 3 weeks of exams... don't think i'll be able to take it.. god.. i'm dying..

I'm a lucky star!

ya, to share something interesting.

While I was taking a cab home from Havelock, the cab driver realises that he won 4D, 1st prize. hahaa.. and he said that i brought him luck, so he gave me a free ride! haha.. cool huh!

my future?

just had dinner with O. or rather just watched O have dinner. we had a little chat about his trips to philippines and vietnam, and a slightly bigger one about what i'll be doing, or rather, what i want to be later on in my life.

It's quite interesting. My ambition is really to be an Actress cum Singer, the only problem is.. I'm not good at either. And so, now i'm really just studying for the sake of studying.. there's almost nothing else i'd like to do. Ya, ofcoz i'll try to do well in my studies.. it's kindda like a personal challenge anyway(i cannot handle losing to other ppl) but i really don't see much of a point somehow. may be i should review my ambition.. change it into something else or someting.. probably i'll feel unsatisfied for the rest of my life.. but atleast i won't end up a begger.

My hamster bit me!

yesterday while i was changing her drinking bottle, she took a big bite off my pinkie. sobz.. had i been really that bad to her? probably.. ;P but that period of time were she was down on food and bedding, my wallet was almost empty as well! and there isn't any pet store near my place, so it's not really my fault right?! wha... boo hoo.. she hates me.. ;(

Well, it's another boring entry. haha..

okie alittle update on my life now. B had gone to the philippines yesterday, J is still here. I made everything clear with O who came back from the philippines yesterday. and X will be back on sat morning, 5? wow.. he asked if i can go pick him up at the airport and accompany him until the 1st train.. but the thing is.. how am i supposed to get there if the 1st train is not there yet?! seems like everyone around me is just moving around.. like it's some kind of global movement.

I'm glad I made it clear to O though. It really kindda made my day. hmm... if anyone is wondering. I do not support multiple dating. but to like certain ppl is not really avoidable. so i try not to date them if that's the very least i can do.

Wanted to make a little toy decorative thing, but for so many days i couldn't find my boxes of plasticine! where have you all gone? :(
i bet my mom threw it away or kept it at a dark corner where i'll never be able to find until i buy myself new ones. Got the urge to make it so much. perhaps i will go down to the stores to buy new plasticine.. but to buy 3 big boxes again? haiz.. really feel like i'm wasting money and wasting my time.. in which both i'm lacking of currently.

oh ya, i did my GP paper yesterday.
'Have multi-national businesses had positive or negative impact on your society?'
haha.. don't know why i chose it also.. think i'm just stupid.

went to watch princess diary after the paper with liva though.. quite funny. very fairy tale.. but.. haiz.. made me think of unhappy and mind boggling things.. but then after that we went for dinner at cafe cartel. actually, it's I went for dinner, she only had coffee and some of my fries coz her mom had dinner at home. I had a whole rack of pork ribs! cool huh. and soup and bread and what not as well! it cost 19 bucks though.. but i think it's worth it.. hehee..yum yum.. should get my parents to go as well.. they have free flow home made bread.. hahaa.. think next time i'll just go there and order soup.. ;P

Where are you?

In someone elses life I'd thought it'd be someone elses line.
The cold shiver down my spine.

I read that line.
Over and over. over and yet again.

But still i see it. and still i don't feel right.
It's coming back again.. I can feel it. and I can no longer hide. I can no longer hide this feeling inside.
This pain, this agony. This forged innocence that is only making me lie.
How I wished I'm less clever than I am. How I wished I cared less. Now I'd wish I could just die.

I read that line.

And I can feel me sinking into the ground. My heart shattered. My tears dried out.
I need you tell me it's not true. I need your word to make things better.
But your lips are locked like the doors in an urgent fire.

Over and over. over and yet again.

I fell to the ground. Laying there motionless.
Where are you?

Interesting blog

had the chance to read the blog of a girl i have reason to believe is around my age. It caught my eye whith it's slogan 'SIZE DOES MATTER, I'VE NEVER SEEN A 2.4INCH DILDO' and as i read her entries, I soon figured that they were rather explicit. talking about her sexual experiences and 'wild' life. (I bet some guys are dying to know what is the address to her blog now)

She is indeed an excellent writter, and very proficient in the english language(atleast very much more proficient then i am). I soon find myself looking through alot of her entries, not that i wanted to read the 'interesting' entries, atleast not just that, but also due to her language and way of presenting herself and also some arguments she have on monogamy, life and sex~

It was kindda scary at some instances when I find her arguments convincing to a large extent, she had her mind set straight to self destruction i thought. It was as if she was trying to convince somebody that what she's doing is not wrong, and somehow that person, i felt, probably was herself. I could feel the struggle in her while i read the blogs, I could feel that she does posses intrinsic values but which she's trying to fight, and what i felt was that she's trying,too hard, to be liberal. It's sad. Perhaps it's not for me to judge, but it really did seem as if she had cheapened herself so as to conform to the 'liberal' world she thinks she lives in.

Which reminded me of a phrase i heard some time back about western woman. It'll make them feel more guilty eating a bar of mars.

Perhaps it is true, why shouldn't woman be given the same type of pleasure man get, essentially we are all humans,or rather animals, and do enjoy the pleasures in life. But still, the difference between humans and animals are that we have a moral code. And i personally cannot allow myself to do things against my morals. Basically, I think IT IS unfair that man are generally allowed to screw around, but woman aren't. But i don't think the way to make it fair is for woman screw around as well... I think it would only serve to downgrade the human life form.

To make life worth living, i do think it is essential that there is something special in it. Else, everything would be the same, and what's the point of living then? when we are just animals/robots that do everything else everyone else does. To live totally via instinct. To follow suit, and be just another living particle in the galaxy of life. I'd like to think i'm special, different, and not just another girl.

Just a quick entry

Went out for supper the night before yesterday and sneaked out to play. well, it was halloween afterall. (Gav, sorry i didn't go for the school party, the rain really dampened the spirit, and causing you to have one less familiar face to be with. hope you brighten up!)

We went about MS(mohd sultan) and had supper, and saw some very interesting people who dressed up. quite cool, there were draculars(of coz), devils(as usual) and a bunny girl(very interesting). oh oh, not forgetting the caucasian woman who was dressed up as a spider witch or something.. she had a witch's hat on and spiders hanging down everywhere and on her face! quite cool.. And i managed to meet a friend there while i was eating as well! which was quite unexpected. actually i can't really remember where he is from and all, but i do know that i know him coz i can recognise him alright.(probably from pri or sec sch..) and he asked me if i can borrow/lend(i still can't get this right) him my bag so that he can smuggle some food into the clubs. the friend i was with was so shocked when i simply took out my stuff and gave him my bag. well, i reognise him, i know i knew him b4, and he looked friendly enough, so i believe he is not going to rob me of my bag. in any case, i already took out what ever there is to take out that is expensive. so, why not? he did return the bag to me shortly afterall, to prove that i did not make a wrong move.

And then we just loitered around and made merry, going through clubs and pubs looking at all the ppl who are dressed up from some olden english queen to dead priests. some of the costumes are really elaborate, and looks incredibly expensive.

the next day we went for brunch at the hyatt hotel, it was recommanded by a friend of his, but it wasn't that great, and pretty expensive, so he was kindda unsatisfied and said that he won't trust her recommandations anymore. quite childish i thought. anyway, after that we went shopping, and i bought a skirt, and 2 tops while he got himself a pair of khaki pants. quite nice actually, though i didn't think it was that great before he tried it on. and then he thought i should get new shoes so we went shoe shopping, but i'm quite particular with my shoes.. so couldn't find any that i like. anyway, he had work that he had to do, but we were suppose to watch a movie in the evening, so i went to his and read a book of his ---- how to deal with people you cannot stand, while he worked.

quite an interesting book, kindda like psychology book actually, teaches ppl how to interpret and react towards certain actions or reactions of ppl. and i did pretty well at it, reading almost 1/4 of it while he was working.. the book is about 250 pages thick.

and then about 6, he finally finished his work, but a crisis also found it's way, coz he had to send it to his client and boss via email, but he doesn't have an internet connection(been hitch hiking on his fellow neighbour's wireless all the while) and hitch hiking is really unstable, the signal is always fluctuating, and the connection kept going off.he thought the macdonalds at great world,which is where we were suppose to watch the movie, had wireless internet for it's customers, so we went there. only to find that he thought wrongly.. they had 2 computers connected to the internet there, but not wireless internet for laptops and such, so he had to go back to the office, but the movie was starting soon, so we split, and i had to go into the movies alone.where i got myself an aunt anne's sour cream and onion, followed by cup corn coz i was pretty hungry by then.

he on the otherhand was going through hell i think. haha.. he went to the office to find that the office is locked and he had lost his key. so he couldn't get in. there's wireless connection in the office, so he tried logging on, it worked, but he couldn't use the net for some weird reason neither of us could understand, so he had to find other ways of getting a connection. He smsed me for help, and i could only think of LAN shops. and then he ha a ingenius idea. he went to a nearby condominium, sat by it's pool, and hitch hiked on the wireless connection of the residents there... and it worked! he is unbelievable...

after which he came back to great world and joined me for the movie. oh ya, by the way the movie was 'shark's tale' very cute, but i kindda don't like the way they kindda fix a human's face on the fish's body, ya, very expressionful,but they don't look like fishes anymore... so i like the little prawns the most.. they are cute, prawnlike, and they super adorable voices... hahaha.. the story was alright, very cartoon, fantasy style where everything ended with a cherry on top.

anyway, afte the movie, we went for dinner at the crystal jade. we had xiao long bao, and some other dishes..i think the xiao long bao was the nicest.hehe.. anyway, after that i saw a pet shop and finally got myself to remember to buy my hamster her bedding and food. ;P i'm such a bad owner.. well, atleast she's still alive, it's already above expectation... ;P

and then soon after we went home. quite a nice way to spend the day i think. and i feel good. ;> gonna sleep now, and study later.. x_x"

seems like it's not such a short entry afterall~