28.12.15
27.12.15
Mahjong!
Got introduced to it first time about 2 weeks ago, and last night, a second!
I'm still not very good at it, I guess I'm just not big on gambling. Or maybe, I'm just not thinking enough into the game to enjoy it. But all in all, it wasn't so bad. Lost 90c, and won a little bit. Could have been less if I had known the rules better!
I can see why people like playing mahjong though. Other than the possibility of winning some $$, it's a good reason to have atleast 4 friends/new friends come together for a social gathering. Thats really just not too bad at all! It's also a good reason I guess for me to stop welling myself up in my hole and get some friends. Haha
Perhaps the new year will bring more social gatherings. Perhaps. :) looking forward to 2016 already.
26.12.15
I know you are reading my blog
AFH Stop stalking me, otherwise I will be forced to take out a Personal Protection Order (PPO) against you. Get out of my life and let me repeat myself, don't come anywhere near to me, my friends, my family and my property whether physically or via the internet and/or electronics.
This is a serious LAST warning. After repeated warnings and requests for you to leave me alone, if you do not comply, I will be forced to expose your full name and IC together with my warnings in order to put in place an effective PPO. If you have any alerts that are linked to my blog, remove them. Delete my number/email and any other contact methods from your phone/PC/email/written notes/any other recording methods you may have and stay far far away from me. I do not want to receive any "updates" from you whether in the form of an email/text/call. I do not wish to have to repeat myself again, because the next time I feel the need to, I will be putting it forward in the form of a formal PPO. Do not test me.
This is a serious LAST warning. After repeated warnings and requests for you to leave me alone, if you do not comply, I will be forced to expose your full name and IC together with my warnings in order to put in place an effective PPO. If you have any alerts that are linked to my blog, remove them. Delete my number/email and any other contact methods from your phone/PC/email/written notes/any other recording methods you may have and stay far far away from me. I do not want to receive any "updates" from you whether in the form of an email/text/call. I do not wish to have to repeat myself again, because the next time I feel the need to, I will be putting it forward in the form of a formal PPO. Do not test me.
25.12.15
Past, Present, Future
Little Ellie, little heart
Oh how you built me from the start
How can I ever forget,
The beauty of life you made perfect
Kisses misses Victoria Secrets
Sweet words and warm scratches
Things that matter, don't matter, matter
Waddling duck and elephant feet
You bring me right back again
Why did you do it?
Tell me,
please.
Oh how you built me from the start
How can I ever forget,
The beauty of life you made perfect
Kisses misses Victoria Secrets
Sweet words and warm scratches
Things that matter, don't matter, matter
Waddling duck and elephant feet
You bring me right back again
Why did you do it?
Tell me,
please.
A year coming to an end
Another year has past. Another bizarre episode to my life. I guess life is really not predictable.
So many things happen this year, it's really quite something. Haha. Like my mom would say, this year I probably really 犯太岁 没有拜. Hopefully next year will be more positive.
I have to say, I'm probably too much of a free spirit for my own good. Following my heart rather than the set path of life. The set path that most others seem to be quite happy setting foot on.
Perhaps I'm just too unconventional. After 30 years, I'm still finding it hard to understand how "normal" people think or act. And more often than not, I feel like an alien in this world of norms and conventions.
Some times, a combination of melodrama, fear, courage and naivety seems to be the worst traits to have. And other times it seems like the best way to live life and see the world around us with fresh new eyes.
What can I say! C'est la vie!
Cc: to you
There are times where things seem uncertain
Where what you thought was perfect, cease to be perfection
Look back in time to look for your anchor
What held your heart then, may be the answer
The world is indeed your oyster
Savour it with all its flavour
Whatever happens, you know for sure,
You have my blessings
For all ends and beginnings.
26.9.15
Sunshine
Waking up to a hazy morning
Snuggled up to your scent
Fuzzy head and fuzzy feelings
In my dreams I think we met
2.9.15
Snow crab
Had my first snow crab yesterday! Quite yummy. And now I'm super looking forward to trying the Alaskan king crab! *drools*
14.8.15
Happy days!
When the clouds stop greying and the Sun is shining,
When you hold my hand
When those sweet kisses are mixed with misses,
I want to walk with you to the end.
My dearest spongebob squarepants.
When you hold my hand
When those sweet kisses are mixed with misses,
I want to walk with you to the end.
My dearest spongebob squarepants.
4.7.15
Frightening thoughts
It's scary when you find out someone you so trusted is actually out to harm you.
It's an almost funny feeling, when you find out that a person you once called a friend is actually the one person who is out trying to destroy your life.
Was this monster ever a friend to begin with? Who tricked you into confiding in him, manipulated and deceived you while putting up a facade of friendship?
I've never thought it would happen to my life actually, playing out like a movie scene, apparently real life psychopaths exist. And it's even more alarming in real life.
Recalling an article I read online recently about a neuroscientist who discovered he himself was a psychopath. Apparently psychopathic behaviour is signified by missing activity in certain parts of our brain. It's morbidly funny, how that missing activity is translated into a dark empty brain scan, where the inactive parts of the brain displays plain darkness. These inactivity translates to anti social behaviour like a general lack of empathy.
You know what the scariest part is? It's that psychopaths will never know they are psychopaths.
In their minds, they live in a different world, they perceive their behaviours as being acceptable or even normal. They think they are pretty normal guys, or even nice guys, when in actual fact what they do is creepy and bizarre. They can be passive aggressive and self centred. Manipulative and deceitful, some may even try to justify what they do with strange theories that would only make sense to themselves.
If you are interested here's the original article: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-neuroscientist-who-discovered-he-was-a-psychopath-180947814/
Fingers crossed, I'll never have to deal with any psychos ever again.
29.6.15
A certain kind of sadness
I use to laugh at this story that my dad use to tell me...
The story is about a silly friend that he had who was a bit of a half-wit.
It´s an odd story, and he swears that was a true one. And we would always just laugh it off.
What a silly person he was! Why would hurting yourself change that somebody else?
And then I realised. He is not alone.
So many times, people do things to hurt themselves because someone is hurting them. Think about it. Children who join gangs or get into fights because they feel they are neglected by their parents. I believe they know it´s not right, and that what they are doing is likely to cause more harm to them. But they do it anyway, because they want to hurt their parents. In this case, ofcoz the parents have a reason to be hurt, if not they´d almost be inhuman to their child. but what about other times?
When lovers do things to hurt themselves in hopes of stirring even a little bit of care and concern from that significant other.
This happens way too often, and it´s most counter intuitive and bizarre. Have you ever done it before? Not sending a text despite wanting to, because you want to let the other person know how it feels like to be waiting for a text. Not giving a hug, even when you need one, because you want to let the other person know how it feels like to be alone without physical touch. Acting like you don´t care, even if it´s hurting you inside, because you want that person to know what it is like to feel as uncared for as you feel.
It is completely crazy. But we do it so often without realising it. Without even thinking about it, we have become this silly half wit, who decided to hurt ourselves to ¨show¨ others how much pain we are going through, in hopes that your pain will be felt by those who witness it.
Truth is, it is not going to work.
There will be only 2 types of reaction in this world. People will either be affected by you, or they won´t. So now, the people who would get affected by you, are likely to be people who gives a damn about you. Be it your friend, or your enemy, these are people who would either be hurt by your actions, or would rejoice in your pain. Meanwhile, people who are not affected clearly just don´t give a damn.
SO! The people who does not give a damn. You may not like to hear this, but, this way of trying to get someone to give a damn, is tested and proven, and confirmed, and people still test it again, but the fact is.. if that person doesn´t give a damn about you. what you do will not make him/her give a damn. ever. period. Because... you know... that´s actually the definition of someone who doesn´t give a damn!! You think someone who doesn´t give a damn about you will feel your pain? Will suddenly feel hurt by your actions? NOPE. It doesn´t work that way.
A similar case goes for people who rejoice in your pain. This one is quite straight forward, they are quite clearly, and most definitely not worth your pain at all. So there´s little to no reason whatsoever to be hurting yourself to show them. Take it as they are not humans, or atleast they don´t see you as a common species as them to evoke feelings of empathy. They do not have any empathy towards you, so give up.
Now as for the last one, this is the most heart wrenching case. These are the people who you would successfully hurt. And they will feel the full effects of your half-wit attempt at teleporting your pain to them. Unfortunately, the people who would feel hurt, are usually also people who actually cares for you. And by that extension, people who genuinely cares for you wouldn´t deliberately do anything that would hurt you to begin with (even if they are the genuine reason for your misery) Thus, they are innocently being hurt by your actions, thinking you genuinely just want to hurt them. (which you are! but it´s now all a big mess that you cannot justify logically. It´s like punishing a child for playing with flour when he has no idea flour ≠ a toy.) By now I hope you see why it wouldn´t be very useful. And by an unfortunate extension, the fact that you are trying to hurt this person probably means that you care about this person more than you think.
Why do people who care for each other hurt each other the most?
*shrugs* I sincerely don´t know. Perhaps we are all a little half-wit when it comes to certain things. I pray the strength to spread only love instead of pain everyday. I have to admit it´s not easy. In some ways, it almost feels like a hardwired reaction. But keep trying. At the very least, stop hurting yourself in hopes of inflicting your pain on someone else, for the day you succeed, it is likely you will only hurt even more.
The story is about a silly friend that he had who was a bit of a half-wit.
There was this one time, he was beaten up by a classmate.
When he recovered from the assault, he went up to his attacker...
... and punched himself in the face.
Just before walking away, he said to the guy,
¨Now you know how painful it is to be hit by you!¨
It´s an odd story, and he swears that was a true one. And we would always just laugh it off.
What a silly person he was! Why would hurting yourself change that somebody else?
And then I realised. He is not alone.
So many times, people do things to hurt themselves because someone is hurting them. Think about it. Children who join gangs or get into fights because they feel they are neglected by their parents. I believe they know it´s not right, and that what they are doing is likely to cause more harm to them. But they do it anyway, because they want to hurt their parents. In this case, ofcoz the parents have a reason to be hurt, if not they´d almost be inhuman to their child. but what about other times?
When lovers do things to hurt themselves in hopes of stirring even a little bit of care and concern from that significant other.
This happens way too often, and it´s most counter intuitive and bizarre. Have you ever done it before? Not sending a text despite wanting to, because you want to let the other person know how it feels like to be waiting for a text. Not giving a hug, even when you need one, because you want to let the other person know how it feels like to be alone without physical touch. Acting like you don´t care, even if it´s hurting you inside, because you want that person to know what it is like to feel as uncared for as you feel.
It is completely crazy. But we do it so often without realising it. Without even thinking about it, we have become this silly half wit, who decided to hurt ourselves to ¨show¨ others how much pain we are going through, in hopes that your pain will be felt by those who witness it.
Truth is, it is not going to work.
There will be only 2 types of reaction in this world. People will either be affected by you, or they won´t. So now, the people who would get affected by you, are likely to be people who gives a damn about you. Be it your friend, or your enemy, these are people who would either be hurt by your actions, or would rejoice in your pain. Meanwhile, people who are not affected clearly just don´t give a damn.
SO! The people who does not give a damn. You may not like to hear this, but, this way of trying to get someone to give a damn, is tested and proven, and confirmed, and people still test it again, but the fact is.. if that person doesn´t give a damn about you. what you do will not make him/her give a damn. ever. period. Because... you know... that´s actually the definition of someone who doesn´t give a damn!! You think someone who doesn´t give a damn about you will feel your pain? Will suddenly feel hurt by your actions? NOPE. It doesn´t work that way.
A similar case goes for people who rejoice in your pain. This one is quite straight forward, they are quite clearly, and most definitely not worth your pain at all. So there´s little to no reason whatsoever to be hurting yourself to show them. Take it as they are not humans, or atleast they don´t see you as a common species as them to evoke feelings of empathy. They do not have any empathy towards you, so give up.
Now as for the last one, this is the most heart wrenching case. These are the people who you would successfully hurt. And they will feel the full effects of your half-wit attempt at teleporting your pain to them. Unfortunately, the people who would feel hurt, are usually also people who actually cares for you. And by that extension, people who genuinely cares for you wouldn´t deliberately do anything that would hurt you to begin with (even if they are the genuine reason for your misery) Thus, they are innocently being hurt by your actions, thinking you genuinely just want to hurt them. (which you are! but it´s now all a big mess that you cannot justify logically. It´s like punishing a child for playing with flour when he has no idea flour ≠ a toy.) By now I hope you see why it wouldn´t be very useful. And by an unfortunate extension, the fact that you are trying to hurt this person probably means that you care about this person more than you think.
Why do people who care for each other hurt each other the most?
*shrugs* I sincerely don´t know. Perhaps we are all a little half-wit when it comes to certain things. I pray the strength to spread only love instead of pain everyday. I have to admit it´s not easy. In some ways, it almost feels like a hardwired reaction. But keep trying. At the very least, stop hurting yourself in hopes of inflicting your pain on someone else, for the day you succeed, it is likely you will only hurt even more.
26.6.15
Why
Why does the flower yearn the sun?
So brightly lit, so warm to touch.
Does the flower actually know,
The sun's healing touch is also his weapon to kill?
The glare he gives may lighten up your day, and so it may, also burn your life away.
13.6.15
Keep me intrigued.
Mysterious shadows
Lurking in the dark
Come forth and follow
My path.
Have you seen what I've witnessed
Have you done what I have done
Do you know the smell of roses,
Or the taste of slurring mud.
Would you hold out your hand,
To touch mine this end
And bring me to the world you created so?
I would dearly like to see,
The world of difference between you and me.
And fall in love all over again, if you would let me so.
10.6.15
Need food
Bizarre bizarre
How very very bizarre
Is spring the end of winter or the beginning of summer?
Feeling hot and cold. Apparently seeing the doc made me more ill. :(
In fear of spreading it to someone else. I'm doing some self quarantine. Food is the main issue though. And of coz.. About that new set of lungs. I hope it'll arrive soon. :P
27.4.15
Spring flowers in the dark of winter
Gosh. Just look at that title. Total emo. hahahahaa..
But actually, it's kind of a happy post
On the chill of a winter's night.
Winds howling in this restless plight.
I don't remember when it started.
Where I curled up into my little corner.
Too afraid to touch, or see, or feel.
This winter is beginning to get too cold.
Then you reached out your hand
Like a torch or fire.
I might be burning myself,
but for now,
I feel like a spring flower in the dark of winter.
But actually, it's kind of a happy post
On the chill of a winter's night.
Winds howling in this restless plight.
I don't remember when it started.
Where I curled up into my little corner.
Too afraid to touch, or see, or feel.
This winter is beginning to get too cold.
Then you reached out your hand
Like a torch or fire.
I might be burning myself,
but for now,
I feel like a spring flower in the dark of winter.
14.4.15
Loneliness
I guess the biggest problem I have, is my strong dislike towards being alone. But yet, I'm picky about who to spend time with. Sigh.
It's probably not the best combination of introvertness, it expands so much of my energy to interact with others that despite the desire to connect, I feel wary about who. Having said that, I sincerely apologise to my friends whom I've probably been neglecting, some times I just feel so tired to connect to people.. I wish I could have friends who I don't need to worry too much about, friendships that lasts a lifetime and some one to care about/be cared by without too much maintenance. Perhaps what I need, is a lazy friendship.
Honestly speaking, I think I'm a lazy friend. I'll do my best to help if my friends need me, but when they don't need me, I am quite happy to fade away.. I guess that's me. A lazy friend.
My best friend and I meet up about once a year. That's what it's like to be my best friend, can you imagine?? I think by notm standards, I'm a pretty sucky best friend to anyone. Haha.
Now that I think about it, Tbh, I think I have a friendship/relationship phobia. I thought these were things that were supposed to go away as people got older?? What the hell?? Oh well, sleepy time.
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