Relationships

I started off wanting to write about relationships.. after writing 3 paragraphs.. I felt sick.. and deleted all of them off..

Haiz.. Actually I don't really know how I should feel too.. there's only one person in my life now that I feel I love... But he does not love me. How much more straightforward can that be? Why can't he just tell me that he does not love me and tell me to buzz off? The more I spend time with him, the more he acts like he loves me, the more I'm falling for him.. But he is just an imagination! I can't even think of a single reason to why I should be with someone who does not give shit about how I feel, who only cares for me because I am around him and don't give a damn about how I am doing when I'm not with him. Sick of all this hypocracy.. If I'm nothing, tell me I'm nothing. Don't be politically correct so as to keep me as your safety net.

Trust is really something I cannot put on you? Is it really that out of reach? You make me feel so naive I can't even believe you anymore.. Coz now I know, that everything you do and say are all lies.. just acts that you put up, means nothing at all... Everything..

How it pains me.. How it pains me to know that everything that felt real were nothing but BS. And yet I can't find someone/anywhere else to focus on other than he.. I feel pathetic.

Stop asking me if I love you. I told you I did. And until the day I say I don't. I will continue loving you..

Odd things about me...

Sleepy sleepy..

My hair.. is curly on one side and kindda straight on the other side now...
My eyes.. One is bigger than the other...
My feet.. is deformed.. just one.. lucky me..
My fingers.. looks croaked when inspected individually...
My Pimples.. likes to grow IN my DIMPLES...
My dress sense.. wait.. what IS dress sense?
My waist... is asymmatrical...
I... am odd..

So many more things.. lazy to type liao.. perhaps I should make a list of things that are NORMAL about me.. should be much easier.. :P

I... eat.
I... sleep.
fullstop.

hehee..

And I wonder..

If it is true that Love is blind.

To really love someone.. would one be able to tolerate everything bad about him/her so long as that does not contradict with the intrinstic values that made one fall in love.

If everyone is perfect in somebody's eyes.

If we were born to make the world a better place, OR

If our mission in life is to make ourselves a better person.

If darwin was right on the theory of evolution.

If it's better to marry someone older or younger.

If MY marriage would be shortlived..

If I'll get married at all.

If the world would have been a better place if all man are of the same colour.

If there will ever be racial equality.

If there will ever be gender equality.

If anyone cares what I write here.

If anyone wonders the same things as me.

If I have been doing the right things.

If I can make myself do better.

What can I do to make myself and everything around me better.

The questions of life.... What is the question to 42?

Fooling around

Am I trying too hard?

Running around, going about
Here and there, everywhere
Trying this one out,
That one out.
Nothing quite works out.

Heart broken again and again
Perhaps my hopes were too high
Perhaps my dreams were to pretty
Perhaps giving up would be a better choice

Who?

Either someone out there who has the same name as me incidently dropped by and read my blog and actually decided to leave a tag. OR, there is an IMPOSTER!! Make me look so blur on my own blog also... =_="" I may be blur, but not blur until like that okie..

Had a rather long and nicely indepth talk yesterday with Adam. And I've decided that the only why I'll ever stop feeling hurt and he'll stop hurting me would be unless I leave him. But speaking from experience(the don't-know-how-many-ampteen-times i tried to leave him..) I don't really think that is possible.. coz I like him far too much to actually not care about him. And he is to thick in the head and full of himself and flirtatious, I don't think he'll ever change.

And so! My only solution is for time to past. I read on a personality test thing this morning that my 'fresh' meter normally only works for a year max(and up till now, that has been rather accurate, my longest relationship is 1 yr 1 month?) So, I'll just have to wait till it's about a year, and I'll start to stop liking him. ^_^ then I'll be happy, and find ease in leaving him I guess. Silly way of thinking and probably a form of denial.. Oh well..

Went to NTU for the medical checkup today. Nothing much to talk about that, other than that I didn't know that taking X-rays were such a fast process.. Almost like a factory operation. Anyway, had to go to the X-ray clinic place for X-ray which landed me in Jurong Point.. boredom of all boredoms.. I had virtually nothing to do there and no one was avaliable to accompany me as well.. ended up having mos burger for dinner(?)(coz I was wondering around aimlessly and was starting to feel hungry, but it was only 1645, and I'm still not hungry now..) I had quite some food though.. had a yakiniku rice burger, a small pack of fries and 5 piece nuggets.

I must say this to everyone.. Mc's nuggets are probably made of chicken poop.

I think I like Mos's nuggets the most...(at the very least you can see the meat tissue and not just a plup of... can I even call it chicken?) And their mustard.. I love their mustard.. this tangy vineger taste always makes food taste so nice..and today.. I just realised that.. if you have the fries in their mustard 1st, and then on the next bite have their chilli sauce instead, the taste is simply heavenly. The nice combination of the vineger in the mustard still on your tongue mixed with the sweet and slightly spicy chilli sauce on their fat and solid fries.. yum.. knock out.

And I managed to do some french revision and excercises while I was there as well. Which made it pretty alright actually. Wanted to go clubbing tonight initially...but guess not.. getting lazy now... think sleeping might just be the better alternative.

And with regards to nudity and sexuality issues.. As long as everyone is clear of what are the consequences and responsibilities, I guess there isn't much to object about.. just that, I think I might just be a little more moral about it.. No matter how much I don't think it's particularly wrong, I can't really put myself though it, or atleast(I think) not feel guilty after.