The point of no return

After all this time we are talking again. I promised myself that i will not get affected by your thoughts or your words again.

The past months have been enjoyable, chit chatting like old friends. I missed that about us. Our friendship that was unbound and conversations on steroids. Laughing about nothing and enjoying being weird together. But after all that, you brought us back to square one. Was it a serious chat? Maybe in your haste to force a decision, an outcome that you so desired, you forgot about me. That I am also part of the equation. There are many times, if I can be so truthful to you, where I thought, maybe I should just settle. Settle for someone who holds a torch for me. Who so promises to love me unconditionally. There are so many times I entertained that thought you have no idea. Should I? Can I?

Then there were those times that I wanted to try. From when we were together, to when we broke up, to when you said you still loved me. But our problems was always the same. In the haste to your destination, you forgot about me.

I told you today, that you are not in love with me. You are in love with the idea of me. You didn't think so obviously. You think I'm pushing you away. But you didn't realise that when I was trying, you rejected the very same request you asked of me today. 

Let's start back at being friends and see how things are. 

You claim that it would show me that you know me through and through. That your love was real. Little did you know, it only showed how much you didn't and the distance that's between us. 

Perhaps I was too many steps ahead. Perhaps I am just too far behind. But when a relationship has gone past the point of no return, I think that's really what it is. And we all have to live with the possibility of a little regret in our lives. 

Thank you for loving me. Nobody said it would be easy. I feel like I'm losing a friend, but perhaps that's just my idea of you too. 

Another day

Have you ever had this feeling,

Like your heart is bursting,

Overflowing.

When you think of that someone

He is far away, out of reach

but you stretch out your arms anyway

imagining his touch

And it feels like you can almost feel him

almost.. but not really..

Just like the way you can see him

Right in front of you.. but not really..

You close your eyes,

and you feel it again

your heart exploding and imploding at the same time

You are not sure what it is,

you think, maybe this is what love feels like

and you feel happy.. but not really..

My Letter To You

My dear,
How are you?

We spoke about so much today, I didn't know what to say. You evoke the strongest feelings in me. Your kindness, your gentle nature, your love and sense of protection. I don't think I've felt like this before. I wish I could be there for you, to heal your every wound. To show you what love is all about, to hold you close, and tight, and keep you safe from harm.

You really deserve better than this. This life that thrusted itself upon you. All the hurt and pain. Don't be depressed my dear. Don't cry alone at night. You are so much more superior than all these problems surrounding you. Don't let them get to your gentle loving heart.

Maybe I feel it stronger than others. Maybe it's because we are the same. Running away from reality and mistakes that we made along life's unexpected ways. With experience comes failure. Some failures are easier to rectify than others. Some mistakes hit you harder.

Maybe we have both been searching, searching for that someone we didn't know existed. Until I found you, and you found me.

Maybe we both got a little down trodden by life, looking for an escape into a safe place, where we can be ourselves and not worry about anything else in the world.

Where we feel our sacrifices are worth something. And we are loved as much as we love others.

I know you don't want to hurt anyone, but you are hurting yourself my dear. You are hurting yourself just the same way I was hurting myself, for others to be happy, for a silver lining of hope for delayed happiness.

But you deserve more, so much more. Your love is grander, and much more valuable than you think. Your heart should be protected by the soft warm arms of the people around you, not a fence of spikes and shield. Your tears are worth more than diamonds and gold, and they should only be wasted on pure happiness and love.

Pure happiness and love.

You've showed me much more than you think. You are not poor. Not to me. You are richer than most people I know. With a heart of warm liquid gold.

Love,
Me

Among the stars in a land of dreams

Among the stars in a land of dreams
I fell in love with a fantasy

Time stood still that morning in October
With that cool, dry air,
A bottle of water on hand
We ran, we laughed, we lost our breaths

We lost our hearts to each other

I don't think I've felt the warmth of a better Sun.
Or hear my heart beat louder

Every word spoken; unspoken
Every breath taken; taken away

I've never felt so beautiful in my life
As I bask in your glow, your smile, your touch

I wished time would stop,
Even if just for a minute or two,
For me to linger for just a little longer around you.