Touch

Last night you came into my dream. Almost consciously. 

We kissed and caressed and you took my breath away as usual. I loved it.

In the dream, you were confident, it was like it was planned. Like you wanted to be there as much as I did.

Like I was not dreaming alone. For once. It felt like you wanted to be there with me. 

Thank you for the dream.

I do not love you.

The warmth of my hand in your hand

As you rest your head on my lap.

like a boulder, like a child,

it was like we were one, for once.

A feeling unexplainable.

like the flower yearns for the Sun.

I do not love you, for love is too light a word.

You consumed me, and I cannot escape your world

You surround me like the cold air in Winter,

and the warm air in Summer.

And a Spring breeze on a bicycle and

the Autumn fire.

I'd go anywhere with you,

if only you would take me.

Holding my hand,

telling me you need me as much as I need you.

But you are the Sun,

the Sun that does not yearn for the flower's affection.

I do not love you, for a feeling as strong as this

can no longer be described by love alone. 

Bad Influence

Bad influence,
you are all over my mind.

With every breath you drew
you drew away my life.

I cannot help but feel your breath,
caress my skin so bare.

What influence you have on me,
I have nothing to compare.

For what I desire,
with every pore and every hair

Is your soft fingers running through my hair
and your skin on my skin again.

God I feel old

It is somewhat a depressing thought.

The odd thing is of coz, that I don't actually feel that much difference between when I was 18 and when I'm now 28. Possibly I don't look much different from then either. But standing among a crowd of 18-25year olds in a night club makes me feel almost as ancient as the dinosaur.

I'd hate to admit it, but it really does feel like I've passed my prime. How I wasted my youth, I have no idea. I suppose I can only look back with a little bit of regret, afterall, I did manage to squeeze in many things in my short life so far. Only problem would be, on hindsight, maybe I squeeze in too much.

There are many reflections on my life, and I am almost constantly thinking about what I am doing and how it all came together. One of the things that I have been reflecting upon lately would be the concept of time. Strangly, when one is younger, or rather, when I was younger, I seem to feel more urgency with time. Like time is running out, and I have still so much to do that I will regret if I die tomorrow and I haven't done them .

But now at a "ripe old age" of 28, everything seem to slow down. Suddenly I just don't feel that kind of urgency anymore, a little bit of the Been-There-Done-That perhaps, but also, the fact that I've come so far, that I think patience and waiting is really much more enjoyable. To take the time to explore, understand, and learn.

It seems to me that most people work in the reverse. Starting out perhaps slow.. and then wanting everything to speed up when they realise "time is running out". There is no doubt, that there are times where urgency is required. But what I'm talking about, are the other things in life.

Rushing in urgency to buy roses for your girlfriend because it's valentine's day, do people even stop to admire just for a little bit and take a whiff at the bouquet they have just purchased?

Trying to get to know someone by asking 100 questions almost back to back to find out while showing  interest, but how many are able to sit back and enjoy the moments spent together in silence. The quiet understanding two persons might have as one respond almost intuitively to the body language of the other.

Taking the time to think and observe the world around us, understand the possible reasons or scenarios that are unknown before jumping into action or conclusion.

What I've come to realise, is that time don't run out when you don't act. Rather, much like in a game of chess, time runs out on you much faster when you need to back track. So take your time, smell those roses and enjoy the bits in life that you cannot and does no need to be acted upon. That, my friend, is true liberation.

Am I becoming more tech savvy?

Or perhaps just the insomnia. :P

So it seems that I'll now be able to update this blog even with my phone! Oh, how convenient. Though I must say I don't really know how that would make any difference to my blogging frequency.

I'm so old school in so many ways. Perhaps it's the reluctance to embrace change. Perhaps it's the unique attraction something old gives me.

Big things happened lately, Malaysia just finished its 2013 general elections. Many complaints of foul play. What did they expect anyway, I thought foul play was expected, but I guess no one expected it to be so blatant and obvious. It is sad to see a country's people go down like this. Turning violent out of frustration and angry at the people who indirectly or directly allowed this to happen. I almost cried while watching a video of people hurling vulgarities while pulling and man handling a bus of foreigners suspected to be phantom voters. These are just normal day to day citizens of Malaysia! And the political party managed to turn the country's good people into neurotic, violent people just for their own gains of money and power. It is really a sad day.

Meanwhile, the biggest things in life happens in the smallest ways. It's really a strange revelation to find that someone can creep so slowly into my life and make my world into something completely different. Now everything I see is with a different light. Unfortunately, not all good things are meant to last. I guess that's the real reason I'm up at the hour blogging.

Did I change much since my 17 yr old days? I don't think so. Still a softie I guess when it comes to love. I wish life could be easier, and gentler on me sometimes.