24.4.05
21.4.05
BGR? or GGR?
What's wrong with them?!
I don't see what's wrong with having lunch or dinner or supper or high tea with boys. They are after all just humans. If I can go out with girls to do mindless shopping why can't I go out with boys to have food? Not like I don't pay for what I eat anyway. So what's wrong with my parents? What's with the 'humiliation to the family' and 'you'll suffer retribution'???!!! What the F am I supposed to suffer 'retribution' for??!! So it's okie if I've got a lesbian friend and I have food out with them in the horrifying PUBLIC?? But I should never have food with a platonic friend????? What is this crap?! I cannot understand it, and I don't think I ever will. I don't see why friends of the opposite sex will HAVE to be 'together'. Aren't man human just as girls are flesh and blood?
So, I'm not in lack of male company. What does that mean? THAT MEANS I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS. I go out with a good fair lot of girls as well!! What does that make me? A lesbian? People always tend to look at people from a distorted point of view. Tend to notice things that are 'different' as opposed to things that are 'the same'. If everyone else has got lots of friends both guys and girls whom they go out with regularly, they wouldn't take notice or see any difference between them and me. Which leads me to thinking. These people are really pretty much people who are deprived of friends altogether. They are lonesome and thus find it difficult to accept that there are people out there who have the ability to make friends with any sort of people. And then after that, they cannot put their pride down into making friends with that person any more even if she is friendly towards them, because 1: They already bad mouthed them a whole lot too early and don't want to position themselves as part of the 'gang' 2: They already have a fixed mindset on that person and is too thick in the head to change it. 3: They are hypocrites themselves and assume that everyone else is the same.
I cannot believe how much jealousy, insecurity, and the society and do to people. I'd tell you that I don't believe in such influences if you'd ask me 1 year ago where I still believed in mankind, and think that all people are nice and willing people who have a mind of their own, can differentiate facts from stories and not assume without proving. But now, I find it hard to believe that people are good. I admit that I do get jealous and insecure too.. but I'd never do/say things to harm people, especially so if I don't even know them personnally. If anything, I assume the good things about them rather than the bad things, if not, I simply don't care(not as if it's my business what's going on in their lives anyway).
So, last but not least. All I want to say is that... SINCE I'M NOT A LESBIAN, I DO NOT THINK I HAVE MORE MALE FRIENDS THAN I SHOULD HAVE AS WELL. I HAVE NO ABILITY TO CONTROL WHETHER SOMEONE LIKES ME OR NOT, AND SO I SHALL NOT SEEK TO. BE IT YOU ARE A BOY OR A GIRL, YOUR LIKING OR DISLIKING TOWARDS ME, TO ME, IS ALL THE SAME.
So there. hope this will shut some people up.
I don't see what's wrong with having lunch or dinner or supper or high tea with boys. They are after all just humans. If I can go out with girls to do mindless shopping why can't I go out with boys to have food? Not like I don't pay for what I eat anyway. So what's wrong with my parents? What's with the 'humiliation to the family' and 'you'll suffer retribution'???!!! What the F am I supposed to suffer 'retribution' for??!! So it's okie if I've got a lesbian friend and I have food out with them in the horrifying PUBLIC?? But I should never have food with a platonic friend????? What is this crap?! I cannot understand it, and I don't think I ever will. I don't see why friends of the opposite sex will HAVE to be 'together'. Aren't man human just as girls are flesh and blood?
So, I'm not in lack of male company. What does that mean? THAT MEANS I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS. I go out with a good fair lot of girls as well!! What does that make me? A lesbian? People always tend to look at people from a distorted point of view. Tend to notice things that are 'different' as opposed to things that are 'the same'. If everyone else has got lots of friends both guys and girls whom they go out with regularly, they wouldn't take notice or see any difference between them and me. Which leads me to thinking. These people are really pretty much people who are deprived of friends altogether. They are lonesome and thus find it difficult to accept that there are people out there who have the ability to make friends with any sort of people. And then after that, they cannot put their pride down into making friends with that person any more even if she is friendly towards them, because 1: They already bad mouthed them a whole lot too early and don't want to position themselves as part of the 'gang' 2: They already have a fixed mindset on that person and is too thick in the head to change it. 3: They are hypocrites themselves and assume that everyone else is the same.
I cannot believe how much jealousy, insecurity, and the society and do to people. I'd tell you that I don't believe in such influences if you'd ask me 1 year ago where I still believed in mankind, and think that all people are nice and willing people who have a mind of their own, can differentiate facts from stories and not assume without proving. But now, I find it hard to believe that people are good. I admit that I do get jealous and insecure too.. but I'd never do/say things to harm people, especially so if I don't even know them personnally. If anything, I assume the good things about them rather than the bad things, if not, I simply don't care(not as if it's my business what's going on in their lives anyway).
So, last but not least. All I want to say is that... SINCE I'M NOT A LESBIAN, I DO NOT THINK I HAVE MORE MALE FRIENDS THAN I SHOULD HAVE AS WELL. I HAVE NO ABILITY TO CONTROL WHETHER SOMEONE LIKES ME OR NOT, AND SO I SHALL NOT SEEK TO. BE IT YOU ARE A BOY OR A GIRL, YOUR LIKING OR DISLIKING TOWARDS ME, TO ME, IS ALL THE SAME.
So there. hope this will shut some people up.
18.4.05
When it's over..
That's the time you fall in love again.. or rather.. deeper in love.
I officially left Adam on Sat. And I never gave it much thought, even when he wanted the 'closure' of a face to face good bye, until today when I managed to convince him that there's no need for good bye since we never had been together and he had never been mine.
Essentially, I didn't want to say good bye to him face to face because I know it wouldn't work, and he knows that it'll work to his advantage. The vicious cycle had already repeated itself far too many times.. I cannot let it happen again.
'You are much wiser than your age would suggest and one of the reasons we get on so well. If this is truely what you want than I will let go. But i hope you never regret what we had and do think of me fondly as i think of you. You will be surely missed and i am sure you will end up with a wonderful guy because you deserve it. :-*'
Seriously speaking.. that was the only message he had ever sent me that felt like he had placed heart in composing it. The 1st time I felt that he was really saying what he meant/felt. And I am glad. And for the 1st time since sat, I cried for him again. He is gone and never will be mine again.
And so, I bid farewell to a love that's not mine. I will still love him.. I know. For a very very long time.. Hopefully he'll be happier without me around to kaypo and ley chey him. And he'll all the fun he wanted.
I officially left Adam on Sat. And I never gave it much thought, even when he wanted the 'closure' of a face to face good bye, until today when I managed to convince him that there's no need for good bye since we never had been together and he had never been mine.
Essentially, I didn't want to say good bye to him face to face because I know it wouldn't work, and he knows that it'll work to his advantage. The vicious cycle had already repeated itself far too many times.. I cannot let it happen again.
'You are much wiser than your age would suggest and one of the reasons we get on so well. If this is truely what you want than I will let go. But i hope you never regret what we had and do think of me fondly as i think of you. You will be surely missed and i am sure you will end up with a wonderful guy because you deserve it. :-*'
Seriously speaking.. that was the only message he had ever sent me that felt like he had placed heart in composing it. The 1st time I felt that he was really saying what he meant/felt. And I am glad. And for the 1st time since sat, I cried for him again. He is gone and never will be mine again.
And so, I bid farewell to a love that's not mine. I will still love him.. I know. For a very very long time.. Hopefully he'll be happier without me around to kaypo and ley chey him. And he'll all the fun he wanted.
12.4.05
When certain things are done with the consequences in mind. It shows how much one cares.
I know what you have done. How did you think you'd escape my eyes. Every sentence you speak, every question you ask. I already knew the answer right from the start. You did what you did. I even reminded you before you started it. And so you'll have to pay for it. I sure hope you really liked it. Coz you won't like this. Not this bit.
Hell's fire is burning.
Heaven is out of reach.
I'll do what I wish.
And you'll pay for what you did.
The sun and the storms will merge as one..
The seas without the beach.
I'll thrive without you
And your selfish pitch.
I will not leave, I want to see you suffer.
Even if I love you
It doesn't really matter
I know what you have done. How did you think you'd escape my eyes. Every sentence you speak, every question you ask. I already knew the answer right from the start. You did what you did. I even reminded you before you started it. And so you'll have to pay for it. I sure hope you really liked it. Coz you won't like this. Not this bit.
Hell's fire is burning.
Heaven is out of reach.
I'll do what I wish.
And you'll pay for what you did.
The sun and the storms will merge as one..
The seas without the beach.
I'll thrive without you
And your selfish pitch.
I will not leave, I want to see you suffer.
Even if I love you
It doesn't really matter
11.4.05
Why fit me into this mess?
Okie, he is an arse.
If all you want is to date. Fine. I'll date with you.
You want to mess up my life? I'll mess with yours.
You want to be an arse. I'll be an arse with you.
No more heart felt emotions. I'll be as politically correct as you are.
If all you want is to date. Fine. I'll date with you.
You want to mess up my life? I'll mess with yours.
You want to be an arse. I'll be an arse with you.
No more heart felt emotions. I'll be as politically correct as you are.
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